Lady Hornet Learns to Cry

One day, while gathering food for her hive, Lady Vespa (i.e. "Lady Wasp") happened upon the house of a magician. The walls of the house were so thick and strong that they appeared impenetrable to other animals. But Lady Vespa was clever at infiltrating other animals' abodes, and because she was attracted to the intoxicating scents emanating from the house, it didn't take long for her to find a way inside.

Once inside, she found the house to be very warm and comforting. Longing to discover where the wondrous scents were coming from, she began to explore. "Gee, imagine how happy the Queen and all the hive would be if I brought back a little piece of food something smelling like THIS."

In her search, Lady Vespa discovered that the scents all seemed to be coming from one table, upon which were arrayed a collection of potions in glass bottles set in a neat little line. She approached the first, and sniffed it. It smelled intoxicating, like alcohol. "This smells wonderful, like nutritious food, but it's so strong it wouldn't be suitable for the hive all by itself."

So she went to the next. It smelled repugnant, like poison. "This is a hearty poison, and a good dose of this would make our hive nigh on invincible. But it's so strong, and we need nutrients too. It's not suitable by itself."

So she went to the next. It smelled like a spicy fire, overwhelming her senses. "Wow. This is very invigorating. And it would be sure to bring much life to the hive, since we hornets love to be active so much. But by itself it is useless. It's not suitable by itself."

Then she had the idea, "Why not take a little bit of all three, and mix it all up in my mouth?" And that's what she did.

Just then, the magician came home and saw Lady Vespa. Magicians, as a general rule, do not like hornets. So when he saw her, he became angry, muttered an angry word, and wished for her to leave. Lady Vespa heard this, but she was an aggressive hornet, and like most hornets, saw herself as superior to the other. So she was unperturbed.

This made the magician even more angry. So the magician swatted at Lady Vespa. Lady Vespa fell face-first to the floor, where she bit off a big chunk of dirt, which mixed with the other ingredients. She contemplated stinging the magician, but the accident of falling to the floor was a "happy accident," because a mouthful of dirt was a good addition to the concoction she was brewing in her mouth for the other hornets.

Nevertheless, she was angry at the magician. So she flew right up in the magician's face and did the angry dance. "I am angry at you," she sang. "I could sting you."

"I am angry at you, I could sting you."

"I am angry at you, I could sting you."

Again and again, she sang this. Flying in front, and to the right, and to the left, then back in front. The magician was frightened, of course, because all animals fear the hornet. But he was full of cunning and poison was in his heart. So, just under his breath, he uttered a curse: "Abmamg, quem paravi. I have prepared."

Lady Vespa, feeling she had gotten her point across, left the house to return to the hive. On her way back, she saw bear. The bear had arrows sticking out of his back. Lady Vespa felt she should be sad, but unbeknownst to her, the magician's curse had taken away her tears. So she could not cry. She became angry instead, and she knew this was wrong, but she couldn't help it.

So Lady Vespa flew to the bear and asked him, "Who did this horrible thing to you? Tell me, and I will sting him."

"It wasn't a him," the bear replied, "It was a HER! The daughter of the Tribe of Man caught me stealing picnic food from her tent. I wasn't trying to hurt anyone, I was only hungry! But she told me to stop and tried to take back her picnic food. Angry, I swatted at her. Then her mother showed up and shot me with arrows!"

Not thinking clearly, Lady Vespa was full of anger. "Tell me where to find this woman and I will sting her," she said.

So the bear told Lady Vespa where to find the woman, and Lady Vespa set out to sting her. First, though, she came across the daughter. Lady Vespa flew up to the daughter and did the angry dance.

"I am angry at you, I could sting you."

"I am angry at you, I could sting you."

"I am angry at you, I could sting you."

The daughter said, "Why would you sting me? What have I done?"

"Okay. I'm not angry at you, I'm angry at your mother. She shot a bear full of arrows just for trying to have a good lunch. So tell me where your mother is so I can sting her."

The daughter said, "That bear should not have tried to steal from me. Why should I tell you where my mother is?"

"Even though the bear was not right in stealing the picnic basket, that doesn't make it right to shoot him full of arrows. Two wrongs don't make a right."

"Okay, you may have a point. And I'll admit, I was frightened by your angry dance. So I'll tell you where my mother is. If you go to the South, you'll find her in a cave on the mountainside. Okay, I've told you. Now please leave. You might be able to sting me, but I could always swat you or spray you with a can of Raid!"

So Lady Vespa left to find the woman's mother. But she didn't find her. Even more angry, she returned to the daughter and asked again where her mother was.

"You must've just missed her. She's headed West. Go West, and you'll find her lighting a big bonfire."

So Lady Vespa went West. Following a trail of smoke, she found the remains of a bonfire, but the fuel was spent, and the daughter's mother was nowhere to be found. So again she became angry and returned to the daughter.

"You must've missed her again. After going West, she was going to head North. Go North, and you'll find her in a treehouse."

So Lady Vespa went North. She looked for a treehouse. At first she found nothing, but by accident, the wind lifted her high into the air, and she found a village of treehouses very high up. She flew very quickly into each one so that she could find the mother before sundown, but she found nothing. So she returned to the daughter.

"You unlucky creature! She was making business in the North all day. Now she must've gone East. Go East, and you'll find her under a rock."

So Lady Vespa went East. She thought it would be difficult to find the rock the daughter was talking about, because there are many rocks in the world, even more than there are treehouses. But in the East was nothing but sand dunes, and in the middle of the sand dunes was one gigantic rock—the only rock for miles.

Lady Vespa knew it would be difficult to find a way under this rock, but she was not worried, because hornets are very clever at finding ways into places of which other animals are locked out. So she searched around the rock, and sure enough, she found many tunnels made by ants which were just big enough for her to crawl into.

But she crawled through tunnel after tunnel and couldn't find the mother. Still angry, but now exhausted, she returned to the daughter. When she came back, the daughter's back was turned. Lady Vespa wanted to do the angry dance, but she was too tired. She barely had enough energy to fly all the way to the other side of the room just so she could look the daughter in the face. But she did.

And when Lady Vespa saw the face of the daughter, she realized, suddenly, that she was not speaking to the daughter at all, but to the mother! And she was radiating such brilliant light, and looked so peaceful and pleasant and happy, she couldn't bring herself to do the angry dance, let alone sting her.

Lady Vespa thought about things. She was angry all the time, she thought. And she had no right to judge the mother for shooting the bear with arrows, because she herself was prone to sting.

"What's wrong?" asked the mother. "Are you afraid to sting me?"

"I would like to sting you, but it doesn't seem right anymore."

"I like hornets," said the mother. "You are my friend."

"Is it okay for me to sting people who hurt others, and to sneak into their houses and steal their potions, and to do angry dances?"

The mother responded by touching the Earth and saying, "Om."

And lady wasp began to cry. Her tears became rivulets, feeding all the baby wasps and all the animals of the world. And, still having the potion in her mouth which she concocted from the magician's house, she fed all the baby hornets her delicious food, and they all were happy, especially the Queen.

Yes, Jimi Hendrix was That Good

I just wrote the following for pay (I hope) in an article of tips for learning to play guitar:

Read books.

Read novels, plays, the epistemology of Descartes, and the history of the Jewish people. This is perhaps the strangest advice you've heard, but it is essential. The pop industry makes millions of dollars off the idea that they can sell bad music that all sounds the same and no one will notice. Well, no one notices because they don't even know their own culture. As Bob Marley says, "If you know your history, then you know where you're coming from." He is a legendary guitarist and musician, not because he could play scales at the speed of light and make weird sounds like Jimi Hendrix, but because he knew exactly where he was coming from.

But then I thought about it: what if the reason why Jimi Hendrix could make all those weird sounds is because he really could play scales at the speed of light?

Why Everyone should Study the Occult

I define an occult object as a cultural (or personal) artifact which carries a great deal of power. We don't need to get into talking about "magic" or "energy" or anything superstitious like that. We also don't need to examine secret societies, such as the Freemasons, and their secret initiation rites. Secret knowledge is not necessarily occult, and the occult is not necessarily secret. (A better term for this kind of thing is "esoteric.") It suffices to simply state the truth: that certain objects carry a great deal of psychological power. The power in these objects derives, I think, from the extent to which they reflect something about ourselves, and the depth to which they reflect it.

The most obvious occult object is a word. A word, of course, immediately conjures up an experience or thought, without our even thinking about it. This experience or thought is something inside us, reflected by the communication inherent in a word. Words, therefore, are occult objects.

The problem, though, with occult objects is that the meaning they express with regards to their reflection of what's in our minds is not necessarily accurate. For example. Usually, growing up, I've always sided with political liberals. And as a lot of people know, I'm definitely very anti-psychiatry. So, naturally, I was quite confused to discover that most liberals favor increased psychiatric treatment of the mentally ill, while conservatives are perfectly content to leave treatment to the birds. Being fundamentally opposed to psychiatric treatment of any kind, I found this state of affairs very frustrating. However, there is a definite cause. The cause, I think, can be traced back to the occult.

This is the unexamined liberal philosophy regarding psychiatry: "We need to favor psychiatric treatment of mental illness because it tends to reduce symptoms." Let's unpack it a little more: "We need to favor a scientific, behaviorism based treatment of mental illness which involves third-person empirical studies of the human mind as reflected by human behaviors, because the results of such treatment reduce the behaviors of the mentally ill which frighten us." If a liberal were to really examine this statement, he would come to the conclusion that it logically implies the following: "Let's scramble up the brains of the mentally ill with a knife and turn them into drooling idiots because at least then they don't shout as much." Wait... where did we go wrong? That's obviously horrifying. There must be a mistake somewhere. However, according to the liberal philosophy, mistakes of this sort aren't really a problem. I've actually heard a hospital nurse make this remark, "They made a lot of mistakes, back then, but they didn't really know any better."

It baffles me that anyone could reasonably believe that scrambling up a person's brain with a knife, in full, scientific knowledge of exactly what the brain actually does, could possibly be a morally justified act. In any occasion. In order to understand why a liberal could come to such a monstrous conclusion, it took, for me anyway, a great deal of meditation on liberal philosophy. But I'm fairly convinced the reason can be traced reliably back to the occult, and to illustrate how, it may be best to start with the occult objects involved.

One form of political liberal moral philosophy (in this country anyway) involves the following analogy. A correct moral choice is like choosing the exact midpoint between two polar extremes—one being good, the other being bad. The bad extreme is analogous to the color black. The good extreme is analogous to the color white. (Naturally it's not necessarily as simple as that, but for the purposes of this argument, the image is relevant.) Thus, the occult object representing a liberal's moral decision-making in this context is the following image:

Another logical deduction from this image comes from psychology. Psychology tells us that the "grey area" between white and black is not easily identifiable, and that you cannot tell the difference between subtlely different shades of grey. Only when you hold up two different shades right next to one another can you easily tell the difference. Thus it follows, using our analogy, that the correct moral choice is never easily identifiable. Two possible courses of action can only be distinguished in hindsight, when we are able to see them side by side. Because of this, the correct moral choice for the psychiatrist is to distinguish what is obviously wrong (euthanizing all the mentally ill), what is obviously ideal (completely curing them of all undesirable behaviors), and proceeding to make an ad hoc choice of some grey area in the middle (scrambling their brains with a scalpel).

The conservative position derives from different ideas, originating in Christianity. To a conservative, the soul is the final authority. You must always stand for what is right, and what is right is distinct from what is wrong. There is no grey area between polar extremes: there is simply what is right, which involves the sanctity of the human soul and the responsibility for self-care which goes along with it, and what is wrong (pretty much everything else).

In this case, the conservatives essentially get it right. Right and wrong is not a middle way between two polar extremes. Rather, it is a positive choice arising from even-handed deliberation and impartial consideration of all options. If you can identify a polar extreme, naturally, both extremes are almost certainly wrong. However, it does not follow that the "grey area" in the middle is necessarily right. The correct choice is a positive and clear choice, which usually indeed happens to reside somewhere "in the middle," but only for the somewhat dubious reason that both extremes are wrong. The occult artifact cited above probably derives from the heady over-obsession the ancient Greeks had with mathematics, and the ape-like biological instinct to avoid dark places. It does not in any way derive from honest investigation, meditation, or deliberation. It's simply an image we've carried down through generations, but which doesn't really reflect the truth.

Now not all moral failures stem from occult sources. Also, not all occult objects originate moral failures. Moral mistakes are simply what they are: mistaking one thing for another. People often mistake women for sex objects. But it does not follow from this that either women or sex objects are occult objects. (Though sometimes, they are.) However, it is possible for occult sources such as the above to account for many moral failures. For instance, it also accounts for the moral failure of sacrificing freedom for security. Or, choosing a presidential candidate based on "electability." It also accounts for the moral failure of heedlessly donating a percentage of money to established charities, like the Susan G. Komen foundation and others (a phenomenon derisively called, I think, "serial activism"), rather than taking responsibility for your own community and making a positive contribution through individual authenticity. Again, not all occult objects cause damage. (Obama's logo, and campaign slogans, for instance, have done a lot of good.) But this particular one does in fact cause damage.

I think we can clearly conclude, then, that we should all take at least a modest casual interest in the occult, as defined above. We should become acquainted with or create powerful objects, and examine why they have the impact they do on our minds. Naturally, it isn't always important to everybody. Some of it can actually be rather psychologically dangerous. However, certain moral failings in our culture will never be uncovered until a good number of people seriously examine the occult, and a great number have at least a modest casual understanding. It isn't enough to simply look at occult objects, either. We have to understand how the occult works, why it works, and where the potentialities for moral failure lie. Naturally, through serious investigation, it is also possible to uncover the potentiality for positive and wholesome good. Again, not all decisions directly involve the occult. Some moral decisions, in fact, require purposefully ignoring the occult. But the fact that sometimes morality does involve the occult implies that, though it seems to be an area which our culture has (for understandable reasons) somewhat neglected, it is an important aspect of a good education.

Revolution in Equestria

It was a ray of sunshine which woke Applejack that morning. She thought it strange, being used to waking at the sound of the rooster. But no matter, she thought, merely a small setback for a hard day's work. Undeterred, she hopped right out of bed. After a quick breakfast, she set out to begin the day's harvest, but was greeted by a surprise visitor.

"Well howdy do, Mr. Filthy. I wasn't expecting you today. What can we do ya for? Another couple a bushels for the department store?" Applejack said.

"Applejack," Filthy Rich said, "I'm afraid I have some bad news."

"Well I'm sorry to hear that, Filthy. What seems to be the hangup?"

"I'm afraid we're going to have to terminate our relationship."

Applejack stumbled.

"T... t... terminate?"

"Yes. I have just turned over our supply chain, for quite a profit. In fact, me and the family are going for an extended vacation to Canterlot. It was quite a deal."

"But... Mr. Filthy... our apple farm... Why, your our biggest buyer..."

"Yes, I know. It was a tough decision, but I believe it was the best we could make."

This can't be right, thought Applejack, it just can't.

"Well, I have to tell you, you're making a mighty awful mistake... our apples are the best in Equestria."

"We don't buy from Equestria anymore."

"Why... don't buy from Equestria... where do you buy from?"

"Funny story that... someone from a distant land called Earth by the name of Mr. Zhang stopped by the other day and offered just about everything we sell for practically nothing. I could hardly believe it, but when the shipments started coming in... well, business has never been better. Anyway, I'm off to Canterlot. Good luck, Applejack."

Applejack stood stunned as Filthy left the farm for what appeared to be the last time.

---

Though in her heart she was unsettled, Celestia smiled as she read the latest report on friendship from Twilight. But her meditations were interrupted as Luna burst through the door of the castle.

"Sister. I have terrible news."

"What is it, Luna? What's wrong?"

"A man from Earth is buying the supply chain for all the shops in Equestria. Twenty percent of the vendors now buy exclusively from Earth, and more are signing on by the minute."

Celestia weighed her response.

"I know, Luna," she replied. "I've already met Mr. Zhang. He's quite a disagreeable man."

"We must do something," said Luna. "If we don't act, within a week Mr. Zhang will own half the economy of Equestria."

"I've already decided."

Good, thought Luna. She's thought of something already. I knew she would be quick on her hooves.

"Sister, I'm sure you've chosen best," Luna said, "And I'll offer my resources any way I can. I can summon an army, if you wish, or we can use the elements of harmony and other magic to produce desirable objects to compete with this... Earth."

"No, sister. Nothing like that."

"Then how? How will we counter this threat?"

Celestia considered how best to put it. "If Zhang had come to our attention sooner, or if we had more influence on the land of Earth, we could have done as you suggest. But now, too many ponies' livelihoods depend on Mr. Zhang. If Zhang wants to buy some of our economy, I believe we will have to let him. It may hurt for a while, but given time, I have faith that the ponies of Equestria will make the right choice."

Luna could hardly believe what she was hearing. Let him? When the very integrity of the nation and pride of its people depended on action?

"You do not understand the graveness of this threat, sister. We are royals. I say we act like it. Nationalize the magic industry. Unionize the Grand Galloping Gallop. That event alone employs half of Equestria, and generates more income than all the shops combined. We'll show everyone what happens to foreigners who try to overrun Equestria."

"Luna, I'm sorry, but I've decided."

Luna shook her head in disbelief, and her disbelief turned to anger.

"Celestia. You are wrong. We have to act. We have to issue a decree. If you don't do it, I will."

Celestia turned a hardened gaze to her sister. "Luna, this has gone on long enough. We are not issuing a decree. Remember, I imprisoned you once, I can do it again."

Luna reared her head.

"You spineless coward!"

And with that, she turned to leave.

Celestia sprang up on her hooves. "Luna, consider carefully. Whatever you intend to do, I've already thought of it."

But Luna would not be deterred. The ponies will make the right choice, the dark princess thought, echoing Celestia's words. Fine. If she wants them to choose, we'll let them choose. We'll just see the kind of choices magical ponies are capable of.

---

"Applejack, calm down. I'm sure it's not that bad," Twilight said.

"But Twilight! All of the apples... from Earth... what about my farm?"

"You grow the best apples in Equestria. I'm sure somepony will want to buy them."

"You don't understand... he was my biggest buyer! And the apples will go to harvest in two weeks! Who can I find to buy them so quickly?"

"We'll just have to put our heads together," Twilight said. "We'll find a solution."

Applejack sniffled.

"Applejack, it's okay. Together, as friends, we're unstoppable," Twilight said.

Just then, Rainbow Dash burst through the door.

"Twilight! Luna's in Ponyville, and you wouldn't believe the things she's saying! Come see for yourself!" And Rainbow flew straight off.

"This is great, just the distraction we needed. Applejack, why don't we go see the princess, and we'll worry about the farm later, okay?"

"Okay, Twilight. I just hope we come up with something..."

"We will, I promise."

Twilight and Applejack left the library and made their way to the town center. All the ponies were gathered, and the excitement was palpable.

"Hey, this is quite the gathering," Twilight said to one of the crowd, hoping to get Applejack into the spirit of things. "What's all this about?"

"Luna is talking about a new order, freedom of choice, I just... can't believe it! Shh, she's still speaking..."

Twilight was confused—freedom of choice? I make choices all the time... I feel free... what could she mean?

"And furthermore," Luna declared, "I decree that the night shall be a time of freedom and enjoyment. Anypony who wants to exercise his or her lifestyle choices, has the freedom to do so any time, but especially at night."

The ponies looked on in wonder.

"I also decree that the Everfree Forest, a place of freedom, as well as all national parks and buildings, shall be common property, to be available to anypony as he or she chooses."

What an amazing idea, Twilight thought. Common property? Why this surely means that instead of being served to whatever pony shows up first, it must be shared... and sharing means friendship, doesn't it?

"And for the sake of everypony and their unalienable rights, I have one final decree. This may be frightening at first, but it is very important. I decree,"

The crowd was hanging on the next word.

"...That my sister and I both renounce our role as rulers of Equestria."

The crowd gasped.

"That's right. From now on, you will choose your ruler. Of course, the ruler must be of royal family. But nevertheless, the choice remains with you."

A revolutionary idea! Twilight thought. It would make more sense if any pony could be chosen instead of just those of royal family, but this is a significant change.

"Look, it's Celestia!" someone shouted.

Celestia descended from the sky and landed next to Luna. She turned to her sister and hissed, "What you've done is rash beyond words."

"You think so? Well the next move is yours. Try to undo my decree, I dare you; you'll have a revolution," she hissed back.

Celestia addressed the crowd. "What you've heard is correct. Your destiny is in your own hooves; You may now choose your own ruler. Me and Luna humbly present ourselves as candidates. Elections will be held tomorrow."

Rainbow dashed up to Twilight and Applejack.

"Did you hear that?" She said. "Can you believe it? Choose our own ruler! Why I would make the most awesome ruler in all of Equestria!"

"Rainbow, didn't you hear? She said only royals can run," Twilight said.

"Well I'm pretty royal," Rainbow said, "I mean, come on! I'm just full of royal awesomeness, and I can think of some changes I'd make right now..."

"I just hope there's something I can do for my farm," Applejack said, still downtrodden.

"Don't worry," Twilight said. "I'm going to pay the Princess a visit. I have some ideas I want to discuss with her. We'll address the farm situation. I'm sure she'll be favorable."

---

The sun shone through the ornate stained glass windows of the royal palace, and Twilight was optimistic.

"So, your highness, about candidates. You said only royals can run, right?" Twilight began.

"That's right," Luna said.

"I don't mean to be disrespectful, but you and Celestia are the only royals in Equestria. Don't you think that narrows the possibilities a bit too much?"

"No," Luna said. "I'm sure in your studies you've come across royal heritage, right?"

"I tried to study that subject, but every time I make a request to Canterlot, the answer comes back that the knowledge is secret," Twilight said.

Luna glared at Celestia.

"That's right," Celestia said, "It's secret in order to protect ponies from descending into chaos. But I think what Luna is getting at is that there are ways for anypony to become royal."

"Really? How?" Twilight asked.

"It's a difficult subject and takes time to explain," Luna said. "We'll have all the time in the world to discuss it later, but I'm sure there are more pressing concerns?"

"Well yes. But just to make sure I got this right, anyone can become royal?" Twilight asked.

"That's right," Luna said.

"Well that's reassuring. So. Moving on... I was just wondering, your highness, what changes do each of you plan to implement?" Twilight said.

"Well, for one, I..." Celestia began.

"Let's skip the games," Luna snapped. "We both know you're not going to win, Celestia."

"I thought it was a free choice," Celestia retorted.

"Everypony associates me with freedom. Do you really think after I just gave them their freedom they would turn around and choose the old order? You're smarter than that."

Celestia flushed red. "That's a pretty arrogant assumption."

"Remember, you said ponies would make the right choice? Well, they will. Believe me."

The two sisters glared at each other.

"Okay, well... that's... edifying." Twilight said. "Shall we start with you, then, Luna?"

"What do you want to know? I have a lot of ideas, and unlike those of my opponent," Luna shot a look at Celestia, "They are all very innovative."

"I'm sure they are," Twilight said carefully. "And one area that needs... innovation, is the farm situation. Applejack says that Filthy Rich no longer does business with her. What can we do about that?"

"Twilight Sparkle, that is, and always has been, my first and biggest concern. Applejack isn't alone; half the small businessponies of Equestria have the same problem."

"Right," Twilight said, with sparkles in her eyes. "So my thinking is this: Applejack makes the best apples in all of Equestria. If she simply has a market to sell them in, she can't go wrong. But the value of the bit has not kept pace with the new goods on the marketplace. This is, in my opinion, because it runs under the old system. The palace determines the value of the bit, based on the needs of the most profitable businessponies, but the rest of Equestria must follow along even if it doesn't apply to them. So why not set up local currencies and allow the marketplace to determine the value of the bit? That will liberate the marketplace, and give Applejack new opportunities to sell her products."

"Twilight, your knowledge of economics is impressive, but I think you're wrong." Luna sighed. "It's hard to explain, but without the palace-controlled bit, nopony would be able to trade with one another. It just doesn't work that way."

"But I thought the whole idea of the new order was freedom of choice..." Twilight said, taken aback.

"Choices come with contexts, like unicorns come with magic. Like a unicorn without a horn, a choice without a context is meaningless. The palace-controlled bit is the context of trade. That's just how it works."

"But... what can we do to help Applejack?" Twilight asked.

"The solution is simple. Nopony really wants to buy Earth apples. They cause indigestion. They taste bad. They look ugly. Ponies only buy them because they're cheap," Luna said.

"But how do we get ponies the money to buy good apples?" Twilight wondered.

"The first step, as I've been saying all along," Luna said, "Is to unionize the Gallop."

Celestia snorted.

"If we allow ponies to band together to determine the rewards of labor," Luna continued, "More money flows, more ponies have money, and more business goes to your friend."

"If you unionize the Gallop," Celestia said, "It'll be everypony for himself. You'll have to deal with more worker demands than the palace has seen in the history of Equestria."

"It's the only solution which makes sense," Luna said.

"It's the worst solution I've heard," Celestia retorted.

"You've offered no solutions," Luna said. "You just want to wish the problem away."

"You just want to take control over all of Equestria," Celestia responded. "It's what you've wanted from the beginning."

"You're the one who won't give up control. My motivations are good."

"You have no royal instinct. You make no sense."

"You have no imagination."

"Guys," Twilight said, "Are you sure my solution doesn't make sense?"

"YES!" They both shouted.

"Oh," Twilight said, startled, "Okay then. Well, we'll just have to see who wins, right?"

"Right," Luna said, glaring at Celestia.

With that, Twilight left the palace. She couldn't help but think, I have a bad feeling about this.

---

Pinky Pie's party to celebrate the election was rapidly becoming one of the most successful she'd ever thrown. And even Applejack, still reeling from her loss, was getting into the excitement.

"Luna won!" Rainbow exclaimed. "I mean, can you believe it? This is so cool!"

"Yeah, if this isn't a topsy-turvy change, it'll do until the change gets here," Applejack said.

"I wish Celestia would've won," Rarity said. "Equestria was just fine before the election. It's all too sudden."

"I don't think so," Fluttershy said. "I mean, I think Luna has good ideas. She's right that we should be kinder to the workers at the gallop."

"I didn't really care who won," Pinkie said. "It means a great party! Democracy is fun!"

"Yeah, I just wish it were more... of a democracy democracy. Ya know?" Rainbow said. "I mean, only royals get to run. What's up with that?"

"Well, the princesses were a little nebulous on that point," Twilight said, "But apparently anyone can become royalty. I just don't know how it's done."

"Really?" Rainbow said, "I would make the best royalty ever! Man I'm going to be the next President of Equestria, and I'll make up the coolest rules..."

"You're not President yet, Rainbow," Twilight said, sarcastically.

"All this really means," Rarity said, "Is that we have one ruler now instead of two. I don't know what Luna has in mind, speaking of rules, but such a drastic change rings of chaos to me."

"Well I'm sure we'll find out tomorrow," Twilight said. "I don't think all her ideas are the best, but it'll be interesting to find out what she does. And I'm sure it'll all turn out okay."

"Yeah, don't worry about rules," Pinkie exclaimed, "Time for party!"

---

The next day everypony eagerly awaited the new decrees of their President. And Luna showed up right on time to satisfy them. Only Twilight had some idea of what the decrees were going to be, but even she couldn't help but show a little excitement.

Luna began, "I am happy to see all of you gathered here today. I know you have a hard day's work ahead of you, and as the small businesspony is my first concern, I'll be as brief as possible. First of all, I understand that everypony has thoughts and ideas and fantasies that are unique to them. And the soul of free choice is free exercise of ideas."

The ponies seemed confused.

Luna continued, "As you know, the old rules have been restrictive. But the rules have changed, and society should change with it. I am the last pony to stand in the way of freedom. Therefore, I decree... homosexuality is now legal."

The ponies gazed in amazement. But Twilight was skeptical. What does this have to do with anything? She thought. She's just trying to win political points.

"And furthermore," Luna continued, "If anypony wants to share photographs of their experiences with the Brony market, that, too, is acceptable."

The audience applauded, hesitantly.

"Also, I decree that the Grand Galloping Gallop is to be unionized. That's right: all ponies have the right to bargain for fair pay in their employment."

Twilight knew this, of course. But Luna delivered one unexpected decree, and she could deliver more.

"There is one more thing," Luna said. "Like everypony here, I value harmony and solidarity among all Equestrians. But there are circumstances where friendship, though indispensable, is not enough. There are times, in short, when defense, even armed defense, is necessary. The time has come for pony self-determination. Therefore, I decree... the palace will immediately form a national standing army."

Twilight's heart sunk in her chest. A standing army? She considered the idea. Of course, she's right: there are times when we need to defend ourselves. But Twilight couldn't help but feel something was wrong. She looked around; surprisingly, the idea seemed to go over well with the others. But how far would this go?

"Of course," Luna continued, "No pony is required to join the army unless they so choose. Recruiters will be taking names as soon as the infrastructure is in place."

Two unexpected decrees. Would there be more?

"That is all for now," Luna said. "I will deliver more decrees as they become necessary. Thank you for your support, and enjoy freedom to the fullest!"

Luna left the stage, and the audience cheered. Then, all the ponies discussed the new decrees. It was a strange turn of events. Twilight surveyed the audience, and made out Princess Celestia. Her gaze was hard as stone. Twilight knew she wouldn't confine herself to the shadows forever. She had something in mind.

---

"Celestia, Celestia. I had no idea it was in you. You, hiding behind your palace walls, nothing but meditation all day, ordering people around. So... boring," Discord crooned. "I would've thought maybe ordering some lowly underling to liberate me, but you doing it yourself? This is, interesting."

"I wouldn't have, believe me, but it was my only choice," Celestia said. "Luna forced my hand. The very idea of democracy invites nothing but chaos. Well, if it's chaos she wants, it's chaos she'll get."

"I like the way you think, Celestia. But my powers are weak. You could turn me into stone any minute. A day or two of being a rock, I can stand. But I know you'd imprison me for all eternity. And I don't want to be a rock forever. It's just not my style. But you obviously freed me for a reason."

"Get to the point," Celestia snapped.

"Ah yes. The point is, if I do whatever it is you want, what's to stop you from turning me back into stone the second I do it? If I do your bidding, what do I get in return?"

Celestia thought about it. "Clearly the rules have changed. In a democracy, you need a little chaos."

"Oh, I like where this is going," Discord said.

Celestia continued, repulsed at the idea she was about to suggest. "Owing to the new... situation, I'm willing to give you charter over some aspect of the palace government."

"What piece?"

"We'll work out the details. But I need to hear ideas."

"Well," Discord said, thoughtfully. "The thought of a charter, I say. That's just wonderful: my own piece of government. And that gives me a very good idea. Let me tell you what I propose."

---

"Spike, start writing," Rainbow ordered.

"I really think you're wasting your time," Spike said. "I've sent over two hundred of your letters to the Princess, and she hasn't responded to any of them."

"I don't care, Spike. She needs to listen to me. And I'm going to keep writing until she does."

"But..." Spike protested.

"Don't make me make you!"

"Oh right," Spike retorted, "What are you going to do?"

"I... Spike! Just start writing!"

"It's not your job to order me around," Spike grumbled. But he sighed and pulled out the pen and paper.

"Dear Princess Luna," Rainbow began. "This is bullhockey. You told Twilight Sparkle that anyone can be a royal. But I'm still waiting to claim my rightful title. And anyway, when is your term as President up? I've suggested two hundred thirty-two decrees, and you've followed up on none of them. So when do I get to decree them myself? Sincerely, your angry opponent, Rainbow Dash."

"Are you sure you want to call yourself an 'angry opponent?' I mean that seems a little... unstrategic," Spike said.

"Just send it, Spike," Rainbow said.

Spike sighed. "Okay, okay, I'm sending it."

"And if she doesn't respond to THIS one," Rainbow said, "Boy, there'll be trouble."

"You said that the last time," Spike grumbled as he sent the letter.

The door of the library opened, and Twilight came in.

"Twilight!" Spike said. "How was your visit with the Princess? Not too good I take it..."

"It was a disaster. I went to the palace three times."

"And?" Rainbow asked expectingly.

"All three times she didn't even open the doors!"

"That... that... tyrant!" Rainbow punched the air.

"And the last time, one of the palace guards even told me to leave, claiming I was 'trespassing' on palace property," Twilight continued.

"Why I'd show him..." Rainbow said.

Spike asked, "Didn't he know you were a student of the original ruler of Equestria?"

"He mentioned that. He was very respectful. But I knew he wasn't going to give an inch," Twilight said. "I have a feeling something bad is afoot."

"Oh I knew that from the beginning," Rainbow fumed. "This whole 'democracy' thing is a sham."

"Well, just because Luna doesn't implement all your plans doesn't mean democracy is a sham, Rainbow," Twilight mused. "Still, I don't like how this feels. Something is wrong. Why did Luna kick Celestia out in the first place? Why is she afraid of her? And when I visited them, they were both fighting. Fighting! Something terrible has come between them. And what about this Mr. Zhang? What does he want?"

"Oh don't get me started on Mr. Zhang," Rainbow said. "I think we should have kicked him out the moment he got here. In fact, I even suggested that in one of my letters."

"I don't know, Twilight," Spike said, "But I think Mr. Zhang is at the root of all this."

"I agree," Twilight said, "But one thing's for sure. We're never going to solve him unless Celestia and Luna learn to work together."

"Amen to that," Spike said.

"Look," Rainbow said, "It's Princess Celestia! She's leading a parade. And there's Rarity and Applejack... Maybe Celestia can solve all this..."

"Celestia! I knew she was planning something," Twilight said. "Let's go have a look."

Twilight, Spike, and Rainbow joined the procession. Twilight knew something big was about to happen, and she knew a change would be good. But every pony in the crowd seemed angry. She knew the answer would come when the procession stopped, which it did, at City Hall.

Celestia turned to face the crowd. But it was Applejack who spoke first.

"Everypony," She said, "I know Luna's democracy is a good idea. A great one. And I reckon a lot of thought went into it. But my poor farm is suffering, Big Macintosh is overworked, and I just can't abide the way Princess Luna's been treating the small businesspony."

The crowd nodded in approval.

"I mean, she's taxing us to death. She's cut farm subsidies and wants to cut them further. She wants to unionize everything, but I'm not getting a lick of income to pay for it. Ponies, we have to do something."

Rarity spoke next: "When I first began my own clothing business, I had full control over the production line, and everything worked like clockwork. But now Luna has changed the entire economy. Materials that used to be inexpensive are now expensive, and as a result I have much less creative control. But it's even worse than that.

"One of the most respected clothing outfits in Canterlot was suffering, and, I agree, it got to the point where something had to be done to save the company. But I cannot agree with what Luna did. She... socialized it! The owner of Haute Hooves is a personal friend of mine, and her work is absolutely brilliant. But that day she completely lost control over her company. HER company! When she visited me, she was in tears. I know some of the workers disagreed with her management style, but I think that everypony who has the courage to start their own business, the fortitude to keep it running, and the creative genius to satisfy the customer, should have control over their business."

An angry shout came from the crowd: "The Princess is a socialist!"

"I think something just has to change," Applejack said. "It just has to!"

"I couldn't agree more," Celestia began. "Ponies of Equestria: I've always had the interests of everypony at heart. And Luna's system, while innovative, is unfair. She controls everything, and doesn't listen to the common pony. We need checks and balances. That is why, by the authority of the people, I decree that we form a legislative branch. And I declare this assembly here today the first official political party. We shall be called, the Grand Old Pony Party of Equestria!"

A raucous cheer rose up from the crowd. Twilight could hardly contain herself; the absolute brilliance of the idea overwhelmed her.

"Wow!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed. "Our own political party! I would've chosen a cooler name, but this is awesome! Maybe I can finally make the changes I've wanted!"

Your move, little sister, Celestia thought with pride.

---

As a way of thumbing her nose, Celestia invited Princess Luna to be the first to address the new legislative assembly. But Luna seemed completely cool and collected. What could she be thinking? Celestia thought. Doesn't she realize how much power she's lost? As Luna strode to the podium, Celestia was nervous.

"Fillies and Gentlecolts," Princess Luna began. "When Celestia and I ruled Equestria together, I learned many things. But most of all, I learned that of all things, ideas are the most powerful. And the idea of freedom is the most precious idea a pony could have. To reify freedom, to make it real, is a supreme gift. By forming this assembly, you ponies have done just that. I always thought that the Presidency had too much power, and from the beginning, I promised the end of royalty. Therefore, whatever decrees and ideas you come up with, I will faithfully execute. I am nothing but grateful for this opportunity to serve my country."

What is she hiding? Celestia thought.

"Thus, please hesitate no further. I decree this assembly in session," Luna said. And without another word, she left.

Celestia approached the podium. "Very well," she said. "What shall we do first?"

Discord made his way into the gallery, careful not to be spotted by anypony, especially not Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, or Twilight Sparkle, who were watching intently from the opposite side of the gallery. This was his moment to shine. He could barely keep still in his seat.

"First of all," one pony began, "the social depravity of Equestria is deeply disturbing. Therefore, I decree homosexuality illegal!"

"You can't do that!" Rainbow Dash said, who was also in the assembly.

"Now now," Celestia said, "We have to vote on it."

"Oh, sorry," The pony said. "I move that we decree homosexuality illegal!"

"NAY!" Rainbow exclaimed.

Celestia cleared her throat. "All in favor?"

"AYE!" the cry rose.

"All opposed?"

"NAY!" Rainbow repeated, joined by several ponies. But the Aye's had clearly won the vote.

"Very well," Celestia declared. "Homosexuality is now illegal! Next item..."

"I move that we decree pornography illegal!" Another pony said.

"Very well... that may have been good for business, but we'll vote on it," Celestia said. "All in favor?"

"AYE!" the ponies cried.

"All opposed?"

"NAY!" said Rainbow and a couple of ponies.

"This is ridiculous," Rainbow exclaimed.

"The ayes have it! Pornography is now illegal. And now on to..."

"And socialism! Socialism too!"

Rarity was a little confused, but she couldn't help but smile to herself.

"Okay, all in favor?"

"AYE!"

"All opposed..."

"...nay?"

"The ayes have it! Socialism is now..."

"I move we abolish the palace currency, dismantle the pony express system, and declare patriotic hoof-stomping the official form of applause!"

The din of hooves stomping resounded in the chamber.

"Wait I don't think that's..." Celestia began, but was interrupted.

"Oh, now the PRINCESS wants to tell us what to do? We should've never made her speaker. We should've never put all this power in one person!"

"This isn't right," Rarity said. "This is wrong. Princess Celestia should be allowed to speak..."

"Well we have to vote on it, but remember these ideas are to become laws..."

"I move we vote on it RIGHT NOW! You have a problem with that, Princess?" The pony sneered.

Celestia glared at him. "Very well. All in favor of this sudden expedient?"

"Aye!" Several ponies said.

"All opposed."

"NAY!" Rainbow Dash shouted. "Your ideas are stupid!"

But the Ayes clearly had it. Celestia swallowed her pride. "Okay," she said. "Very well. The proposal is now law."

"I move we disband the army!" Said one pony. But an angry murmur grew in the assembly; the army was the main source of income for a large number of ponies.

"All in favor?" Celestia said.

"AYE!" Rainbow shouted.

"All opp..."

"NAY!" Shouted everyone else.

"What?? That was the best idea so far!" Rainbow said incredulously.

"Oh," Fluttershy said. "I remember that was Rainbow's first idea." Her heart went out to Rainbow.

"Come on," Applejack said to herself. "Do something for the small businesspony."

"I have in my very hooves a list of socialists in Equestria," said a certain pony. "Ponyville is a rat's nest of socialism, and I happen to know their ringleader is known socialist Twilight Sparkle."

"What? That's not true!" Twilight exclaimed.

"Therefore, I move that we abolish all taxes in Canterlot, but raise taxes in Ponyville! All in favor?"

"It's my job to say that, remember?" Celestia said, angrily.

"Who cares what your job is?" The pony yelled. "I'm a legislator, I say what your job is!"

"That's not how it works!" Celestia said.

"Oh, more orders from the PRINCESS! Who wants to kick out this wannabe queen?"

"AYE!" came the yell.

Celestia suppressed a tremor of fear. "You can't just... kick me out! We have to VOTE on it!"

"We don't need to vote! Everypony knows your tricks!"

"YOU are OUT OF ORDER!" Celestia shouted. "I decree..."

But the other pony's eyes grew wild with anger. "FUCK YOU, ESTABLISHMENT PONY!"

Celestia gasped.

"Why that..." Rarity exclaimed, but was too shocked to finish the sentence.

"Oh Celestia!" Fluttershy gasped.

"KICK HER OUT!" The ponies yelled.

Rainbow Dash could barely think of what to say. "Ponies! Don't you understand democracy at all? We have to work together!"

"You're a friend of Twilight Sparkle, the socialist! Kick her out too!"

"All in favor!" Someone shouted.

"AYE!!"

Celestia was astounded. Discord's eyes caught her glance, and his look said it all. She knew what he was thinking: You were once ruler of all Equestria, but now you're a nothing nopony. Get out of here: your time is over.

Tears welled up in Celestia's eyes. She left in a flurry. Applejack, Rarity, and Twilight looked on in astoundment.

"Hey! Let me go! You can't... I'm a LEGISLATOR!" Rainbow Dash struggled and fought, but the other ponies were too many and too strong. Discord smiled to himself: He hadn't said a word, yet he was the ruler of the assembly, and he knew it. Yes, he thought, this is by far the best trick I've ever pulled.

---

Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie had convened themselves at Twilight's place. Twilight, however, wasn't there.

"We just have to put our hooves together and come up with something," Applejack said.

"I wish Twilight was here," said Rainbow, crestfallen. "She's the pony with all the ideas."

"She's gone to find Celestia. And I don't blame her," Applejack said.

"That poor, poor pony," Fluttershy said. "I mean, kicking her out like that... that's just so impolite. The way they treated her..."

"Tell me about it," Rainbow said.

As the other ponies discussed, Rarity sat alone in the corner, barely holding back tears. Spike couldn't bear it.

"Rarity, I swear, if there is anything I can do..." he said.

Rarity looked at him, and the tears flowed in quiet streams. "Oh Spike," Rarity said. "I should've never joined that dreadful party!"

"Rarity, I know you ponies will come up with something. I've seen you in worse scrapes before, and a pony like you? You're the most radiant, beautiful, magical..." Spike was interrupted as Rarity embraced him and held him close. And together they shared a common tear: for each other, for Celestia, for the gang... for Equestria.

---

Twilight Sparkle finally found Celestia deep in the Everfree Forest. She had never seen Celestia like this before: her beautiful hair, which had once flowed so free, seem to droop like a willow. And Celestia could not hold back the sobs.

"Celestia," Twilight gasped, taken aback at her state.

"Oh Twilight," Celestia said. "Everything is all wrong. It's all messed up."

"I know, but surely we can do something. There's always a solution. We just have to have faith, and think this through."

"What's there to think about? Luna runs the show now."

"Well what are her motivations? Do you know what Luna wants in the first place?"

"Of course," Celestia said. "She wants to stop Mr. Zhang. And it's so terrible; I want exactly the same thing. But she had to come in and make all these changes; she wouldn't consult me. She doesn't trust me! My own sister! All I want is what's best for Equestria..."

"She's taken over, hasn't she?" Twilight said.

"She's gotten everything she's wanted. And I know in my heart she's a good pony, and a good ruler. But lately, I just... I feel I've lost... my trust."

"Celestia, I'm so sorry..." Twilight said.

"She's my friend, Twilight. My friend!" The word had so much meaning between them, and Celestia uttering it like this was a desperate plea. "I should've never trusted Discord."

"Wait, Discord is behind this?" Twilight could hardly believe it.

"Of course he is. Couldn't you see the signs? He controls the whole legislature."

"But the legislature was your idea! What happened?"

"No Twilight, it was his idea. And he kicked me out. And one of the ponies... swore at me!"

"Oh Celestia," Twilight said, "This is terrible! What can we do?"

"Twilight," Celestia said, composing herself, "I have no power anymore in Equestria. There is only one thing that can save us now: The magic of friendship."

---

Twilight Sparkle overlooked Ponyville from the library. A large crowd, organized by Rainbow Dash, had formed; they called themselves Occupy Ponyville. Rainbow had decreed that they vote by consensus, and that nopony was to be the leader. Throughout the night came impassioned speeches of how the system was broken. How Discord had organized a puppet legislature; how Mr. Zhang was behind all of this; how big businessponies were the only ones whose voices mattered.

It was all very touching, Twilight thought, but what exactly did Rainbow hope would happen? The legislature was legislating like crazy against Occupy, and the police were loyal to the businessponies. In all her years of studying friendship, Twilight had never seen less of it in Equestria than now. And lurking in the shadows, as always, was Princess Luna. That night she was visiting Ponyville, and Twilight could see her from the library. She was nonchalantly sharing a word or two with the local army chapter. Despite everything, Twilight thought, she hadn't a care in the world. And why not? After all, Luna firmly controlled the army. The army was her idea in the first place. For all the legislating that Discord's ponies had done, they hadn't weakened her position a bit.

Twilight had always admired Luna, but she couldn't help but find herself mistrusting her. Why did Luna want an army in the first place? What was she planning? Twilight wanted to find out. But after the incident at the palace, the thought of approaching Luna frightened her. She ruminated over the situation, but as much as she disliked the idea, she couldn't think of another solution. She had to talk to her. She thought she had an idea of what Luna was up to, but she needed to confirm it. And she had to trust that Luna would remember her for who she was: a faithful student, a steadfast admirer, and a loyal subject. She made up her mind: She was going to talk to her directly. She could only hope that Celestia was right, and that Luna had some spark of good in her still.

As Twilight made her way through the crowd, she noticed the signs clasped by the ponies' hooves. She saw Applejack; hers said, "GOPP AGAINST DISCORD." Fluttershy's said, "Make love, not Chaos." She saw one pony with a sign that said, "Lost a job: found an Occupation." And one that said, "Fillies for freedom forever!"

Finally Twilight reached the place where Luna was slowly pacing. Twilight was nervous, and the armyponies eyed her suspiciously. But she was resolved to talk to Luna. She approached the dark Princess, and cleared her throat.

"Princess Luna?" She said.

"Twilight Sparkle," Luna acknowledged, barely noticing her.

"Can we please talk?"

"What is there to talk about?"

"Well back there in the assembly... I was just thinking... this couldn't be what you had in mind by democracy."

"And why not?"

"Well Discord runs the whole show."

"Yes. You need a little bit of chaos in democracy. Surely someone with your intellect could've realized that."

"But aren't you afraid they'll take away your power? I mean, the way they treated Celestia..."

Luna shook her head. "Twilight. You may be an expert on friendship, but you know nothing of government. They're not going to do a thing to me."

Twilight was ennobled; she seemed to be opening up to her. "Are you sure? I mean, whatever they say becomes law."

"Yes, but I control the army. And you must remember the original rules: whatever I say becomes law, too."

"Perhaps... but I was just wondering... what's this about the army in the first place?"

"National defense," Luna said, shortly. Twilight considered this, but she just couldn't believe it.

"I'm sorry, but I can't believe that. In the entire history of Equestria, no country has ever even come close to rivaling our power. Our economy, though perhaps a bit downtrodden, is still the most resilient I've studied. And now you say we need an army, too?"

"You don't like it?" Luna asked simply.

"No, frankly, I don't," Twilight said.

"Then why don't you join your friend Rainbow?" Luna said. "See what happens."

Twilight was still nervous, but she felt she had to be stern. "Luna, your ideas are brilliant. But I just have to question your style of leadership. Homosexuality, okay. I mean, it's not my thing... maybe Rainbow Dash... and I'm not too sure about Fluttershy sometimes... but they can make their own decisions, and I respect them. They're my friends," Twilight said. "And unionizing the Gallop—not the decision I would've made, but I can live with it. But going to war? That's just wrong. I know it. I feel it in the very fiber of my being."

"Who said I was going to war?" Luna glared at Twilight.

"Come on," Twilight said, her heart filling more and more with courage. "We both know that's the goal. Who do you plan to attack?"

"I don't like the way this conversation is going."

"Or do you plan to take back Equestria? Declare yourself absolute ruler?"

Luna looked away.

"I know what it is," Twilight said, suddenly realizing. And the realization frightened her; but more than that, it made her angry. "Earth! You can't stand Mr. Zhang. And in retaliation, you plan to attack the entire planet!"

Luna turned suddenly to Twilight. "What would you have me do?" She snarled. "In less than a year's time, Mr. Zhang's army could wipe out all of Equestria, and he has all the businessponies in his pocket. Inaction is not an option."

"Luna," Twilight said sincerely, "You can't fight all of Earth."

"Well unless you have another idea, Twilight, that's exactly what I intend to do."

Twilight was heartbroken. She wanted to say more, but she knew the discussion was over.

"Rainbow was right," Twilight said. "Democracy is broken."

Twilight strode determinedly through the Occupy crowd. She paused, looked at the ground, and shook her head. She found the podium, where Pinkie Pie was addressing the crowd.

"And that... meanie! She... swore! At Celestia!" Pinkie said.

"Uncalled for!" Somepony responded.

"So uncivilized!" Said another.

"The Grand Old Pony Party may have been a good idea," Pinkie continued, "But I've thrown a million parties, and if there's one thing I know about parties, it's that you have to be KIND!"

"That's right!" Fluttershy declared, stomping her hoof for emphasis.

Twilight sniffed. She knew her friends were all in this together. She had to speak.

"Pinkie, I have something to say," Twilight said.

"Go ahead Twilight!" Pinkie responded, stepping off the podium. Twilight stepped up and addressed the crowd.

"From the beginning of democracy, I have been nothing short of amazed at the philosophical brilliance of the whole experience," Twilight said. "And all you ponies, who made it real, I admire you from the depths of my heart."

Twilight knew she had the audience captivated.

"But I could never choose sides between Celestia and Luna. I never understood why at one point they ruled together, as friends, but now they suddenly began to fight," Twilight continued. "And now all of Equestria is fighting too. Friendship, in this midnight struggle, seems distant as a mere dream."

A stir of emotion ran through the crowd. Nopony, they all knew, knew more about friendship than Twilight.

"But now it is resoundingly clear. This standing army Luna formed—the worst idea in the history of Equestria!"

"That's RIGHT!" Rainbow shouted.

"This army was not formed for no reason at all. Luna has dark plans, and I believe she is working with Discord. She doesn't want to defend us. She doesn't want that at all. She wants war!"

The crowd murmured; shocked and angry.

"She plans to go to WAR with Earth! With an entire planet!"

"No!" somepony shouted.

"I'm afraid it's true: I heard it from her directly. But fillies and gentlecolts... and friends."

They were hanging on her words.

"WE have the power to stop her. This is a DEMOCRACY now, whether Luna likes it or not!"

The crowd shouted in assent.

"In a democracy, even if you voluntarily choose to join an army, the President cannot send everypony to war without their consent!"

"That's right! It's our CHOICE!" came the response.

"That is why, I say all of us, right now, join together as FRIENDS and march right up to Princess Luna and declare, with all our hearts, that she can NOT go to war with Earth!"

Several ponies stomped at the ground in approval.

"She may not listen. She may even have us imprisoned. But we have no other choice. And I for one, will not stand by quietly while runs roughshod over our rights. The destiny of Equestria is to be decided, by us, right now: this night. Who's with me?!"

The ponies all shouted with approval, and loudly stomped their hooves.

"I knew she could do it," Fluttershy said quietly to herself, a tear in her eye.

---

Discord and Luna had locked themselves away in Ponyville city hall, where they prepared for the culmination of weeks of planning.

"And you think Mr. Zhang will go along with it," Luna said with lingering disbelief.

"Of course he will! Nothing like a good, chaotic war to stir up Earth's economy," Discord said.

"And you know we're supposed to be undermining him," Luna said.

"Well, of course, but that's just a small detail. And with his support, the businessponies will be in the bag. All the power of Equestria is behind you! Earth doesn't stand a chance!"

"You know the legislature is not going to go along with this," Luna added.

"Well yes, of course. But they're the legislature! Not going along with stuff is what they do. You're the real power here. Now, let's go over what you're going to say again."

"Alright," Luna said.

"Ooh this is so fun!" Discord clapped. "Go on, go on."

Luna cleared her throat. "Ponies of Equestria," she began. "I know some of you may disagree with what I am about to say. I know we all cherish peace and friendship."

"They'll just eat this up," Discord giggled.

"But we all know Mr. Zhang is the biggest challenge that Equestria..."

"Threat! Say threat," Discord said.

"We all know Mr. Zhang is the biggest threat that Equestria has seen. And while the bonds of friendship usually demand love, we all know sometimes they demand force."

"Ooh, this is delicious..."

"I was elected leader of Equestria, and as leader, I see clearly the two paths before us. One leads to action, to defend our great nation, and the other leads to inaction. But I cannot let this threat go unchecked. That is why I decree..."

"Here it comes..."

"That Equestria is now at WAR with Earth, and all of its people." Luna stomped her hoof at the word.

"Brilliant. You truly are the ruler of Equestria. Celestia couldn't hold a candle to you."

Luna gulped. Celestia, she thought. My dear sister...

"What's wrong?" Discord asked nervously. "Oh, don't worry about Celestia. I'm sure she's found a new country to rule over. Now, let's address the crowd! I see they've gathered here already, ahead of schedule. This is perfect!"

Luna hardened her resolve. She had planned for this moment since the very beginning—since her first argument with Celestia in the palace. And now was the moment of truth. She left the city hall and took the stage.

Celestia had decided, against her better judgement, to join the crowd. She stood in the back, no longer the graceful ruler of old, but a defeated and disenfranchised pony like everyone else. But she wasn't resentful. She had done what she could—what she thought best. The rest was up to Princess Luna. And despite everything her mind had told her, her heart still clung to the distant hope that Luna was still her sister. So she stood, unnoticed, awaiting her latest decree.

"Show me what a police state looks like!" Rainbow shouted.

"THIS IS WHAT A POLICE STATE LOOKS LIKE!" The ponies responded.

"Show me what a police state looks like!" Rainbow repeated. The crowd responded again.

"War is Luna-cy!" Twilight began the chant. Everypony repeated: "WAR IS LUNA-CY! WAR IS LUNA-CY!"

"Let her speak!" Rarity shouted.

"Yeah!" Spike shouted. "Let her seal her political doom!"

Luna took the opportunity to begin. "Fillies and gentlecolts: I know some of you will disagree with what I am about to say."

"Say what you like! It's your actions we disagree with!" Rainbow shouted.

"We all know Mr. Zhang is the biggest challenge, and threat, that Equestria has seen. And while the bonds of friendship usually demand love, we all know sometimes they demand force."

"It's a lie," Fluttershy said, angrily.

"I was elected leader of Equestria, and as leader, I see clearly the two paths before us. One leads to action, to defend our great nation, and the other leads to inaction. But I cannot let this threat go unchecked."

"This threat YOU INVENTED!" Twilight shouted.

"And that is why, I decree..." Luna looked directly at Twilight Sparkle, and their gazes met, both as firm as stone.

"That you have a CHOICE."

The crowd was shocked to silence. A chill ran through Twilight's spine. Discord was too stunned to speak.

"We are all Equestrians," the dark Princess continued, "And we must stand together as brothers and sisters, and as friends. Fillies and gentlecolts, this is OUR country. Mr. Zhang's country may have been founded on money, but our nation was founded on magic. And no matter how grievous the threats, we must never allow that magic to be broken."

A lump grew in Twilight's throat. Friendship! Luna had understood all along!

"You all know what I would have us do. And you all know the loyal Equestrian army is ready to act at my command. But I cannot rightly order an entire country to war without the consent of the public."

The ponies stared in wonder. Luna looked over the crowd. Suddenly she saw her. Celestia! She'd come! Luna fought back tears.

"Ponies of Equestria!" Luna was filled with hope and confidence. "The time of chaos is over. This gathering before us has proven as much. As for Earth, it is the legislature that has the final decision. I have faith that they, and all of you, will make the right choice."

With that, Luna left. The crowd was too stunned to respond. After a long, silent moment, they began to murmur among themselves.

Rainbow Dash didn't believe a word of it. "The legislature? Discord rules there. How could they possibly make the right choice?"

Twilight considered. "Don't be so sure, Rainbow. Remember, Princess Luna invented democracy. She owns the very word, 'Choice.' It's the whole basis of her campaign."

"But this legislature wants to undo all of that!" Rainbow exclaimed. "Isn't Discord still the head honcho?"

"I'm not sure it's still in his hands," Twilight said, thoughtfully. "Once you unleash chaos you can't put it back or control it."

"How can that be good for us?" Rarity said. "Chaos is just what he wants!"

Twilight's eyes shone with clarity. "That's the brilliance of it! That's what Luna had in mind all along! Democracy isn't made up of just chaos, it's made up of flesh-and-blood ponies WITHIN chaos. And so the wish of everypony will prevail, as long as the ponies themselves allow the spirit of friendship to shine through. And if there's one thing I've learned about friendship, it always does."

"Really?" Rainbow said.

"Always."

And Twilight knew Rainbow understood.

"Well good. I'm still mad about them kicking me out, though," Rainbow said. "I mean are you sure they'll make the right choice? Cause I'm sure I could start my own army... I know I'd make an AWESOME commando..."

"Here we go," Spike rolled his eyes.

---

Discord was shaken by Luna's speech. But it couldn't be true, he thought. He still controlled the legislature didn't he? It was his original idea. The best idea he ever had. It came from HIM. There was no way the ponies would do something he didn't want... but there was only one way to find out. He was going to go to the legislature and see for himself. But when he got there he was met with a series of unwelcome surprises.

First, Mr. Zhang himself had shown up. And he was not happy. Filthy Rich was with him.

"Discord, I want to remind you of something," He said. "I'm the one in control. It's what I do. I'm a controller. And you should know, my little pony, that control always trumps chaos. It's a law of nature."

Discord was uncomfortable. He didn't like to be put in his place.

"Now you promised me you had control over this legislature. All I have to say is, you'd better be right, or your days are up."

"Oh, you're not worried about Luna are you? And that speech? Come on," Discord laughed. (Zhang didn't flinch.) "Luna was just politicking! She's a politician! You can't trust politicians. Believe me, I've known a lot of them."

"I know a lot of politicians too, pony. You say they can't be trusted? Believe me, next to artists, I trust them the least. I hope, for your sake, you're right."

"Don't worry, Mr. Zhang," Filthy said. "Whatever happens, I have the utmost confidence in the economic policies of Planet Earth, and you have my unwavering economic support."

Discord gulped. And was met with another surprise: a pony had taken the podium. They had elected another speaker!

"I call this session to... er..." Derpy-hooves fumbled. "I call this session to beginning...-ness. What should we discuss first?"

The legislature was silent. Discord did not like silence. Finally, a pony dared to speak.

"I move," the pony gulped, "That we apologize to Princess Celestia. We were unfair to her."

"I can't apologize to an establishment pony!" The pony who swore said angrily. "We were founded on anti-establishment principles, and that is my core belief!"

Discord grinned. This might turn out okay after all, he thought.

"You are out of order!" Derpy-hooves said, "Um... I think?"

"Well said, Derpy," said the first pony. "Will the senator from Fillydelphia please take a seat?" He looked sternly at him, and the pony had no choice but to obey.

"The way we've conducted ourselves," the pony continued, "Is nothing short of reprehensible. While I agree that we need to keep the establishment in check, Celestia would never have wanted the complete, utter, and disgusting chaos we brought forth upon this assembly."

Discord flinched.

"Therefore, I second the original motion, and move the previous question."

"Um... that means we vote, right?" Derpy said.

"Yes, Derpy," the pony sighed.

This wasn't going well at all, Discord thought. Not only was there no chaos, but they had invented new rules! He stole a nervous glance at Mr. Zhang, who was biding his time.

"Okay then!" Derpy proclaimed. "All in favor?"

"Aye," the ponies said quietly, faces red.

"All opposed?"

Only one pony didn't say "Aye," but he was too embarrassed to demur.

"Very well... the motion... er... is... moved. We will apologize to Celestia."

"And furthermore," the pony began again, "Owing to the grievousness of our behavior, I think we should suspend all further business of this assembly until we do so immediately."

"That's unfair!" The foul-mouthed pony shouted. "My constituents have more pressing concerns!"

"You don't have any constituents," the first pony declared.

"No kidding," somepony murmured.

"Um... do we have to vote on that?" Derpy was confused. "Um... Oh! We can suspend rules! I move we suspend rules!"

"And apologize immediately," the first pony added.

"I move we suspend rules and apologize immediately!"

"She can't make motions, can she?" One pony said, under his breath, to the pony next to him.

"Who cares? Let's just get this over with," the other pony whispered.

"All in favor?" Derpy asked.

"Aye," the ponies said.

"All opposed?"

Silence.

"Alright! Let's go!" Said Derpy. "Um... where is she?"

"I'm right here," Celestia said, from the gallery. "And you're doing great, Derpy. I couldn't have done better myself."

Perfect, Discord thought. Celestia had shown up, too.

"But there's no need to apologize," Celestia continued. "I wanted you to have chaos. It was my worst mistake. And anyway, there are more pressing matters. I know I have no formal authority, but I think we should decide the matter of the impending war with Earth."

"We don't want a war with Earth, though," Derpy said.

"We have to vote on it, Derpy," a pony legislator said.

"Oh, right. Let's vote on it. All in favor?"

Silence.

"All opposed?"

A resounding, collective "NAY!"

"You can't do that!" Discord sprung to his feet. "The president wants to go to war! You have to do what she says!"

"Sit down, Discord!" said a pony.

"Order in the... er... house!" Derpy shouted.

"You can't order me around! I made you! You're all here because of ME!"

"Kick him out!"

"Would an officer please escort Mr. Discord to the exit?" Derpy said.

"With pleasure," Rainbow Dash said.

Rainbow was here, too? Discord thought incredulously.

"You get that meanie, Rainbow!" Pinkie said.

And Pinkie?! Discord thought.

Discord was filled with rage. "No!! NO!! You ponies... you AURGHHH!! You got it all wrong!! You got... What's HAPPENING?? What's HAPPENING TO ME???"

Suddenly, Discord's body started flickering electrically. Then it started to bubble and change shape. All the ponies gasped.

"NOOOOOO!!!!" Discord screamed.

The hall was filled with a great boom, and a snap, like lightning. Discord went through a variety of weird shapes, then finally settled on a large cube, with each face a mirror, and his shouting changed to a soft hum. All the ponies gazed in wonder, including Rainbow, though she was a tinge disappointed at not having been able to escort Discord to the exit.

"What... is it?" Rainbow asked.

Mr. Zhang was sweating. Whatever Discord had transformed into, he couldn't recognize it. And if I can't recognize it, he thought, I can't put it on assembly lines, I can't put it in boxes, I can't control it...

Filthy Rich closed his gaping jaw. "Huh," he said, thinking, as the humming cube stood suspended in space. Then an idea occurred to him. He walked up to the cube and put his hooves up to touch it.

"Don't touch it!" Rainbow exclaimed.

"I think if I just..." The ponies gasped as Filthy touched it. He put his hooves completely into it. Nothing happened. Then Filthy pulled out a weird rectangle thingy with little cubes on it.

"Yes," Filthy said, "Yes!"

Filthy turned to the legislature. "I know what this is... I know exactly what this is! Look at the thingy I'm holding, everypony!"

"I'm looking... what is it?" Rainbow asked.

"Oh this is great. I could manufacture these, and distribute them using my distribution chain... EVERYpony is going to want to get their hooves on one of these! I'll have to make a couple other thingy-type thingies of course, and we'll have to hook them all together, and we'll have a great big thingy-thingy of thingy-thingies..."

"Yes, but what... IS it?" Rainbow asked impatiently.

"It's a such-thinger! It's a dream-producer! I don't know what to brand it yet," Filthy said. "But all your dreams, you just type them into this thingy here, like this," Filthy began poking at the cubes on the rectangle, "And all the dreams hook together, and go into the cube there," Filthy pointed at the cube, "And then it pops out... like this!" Filthy pulled out a balloon.

"Ooh, a balloon!" Pinkie said.

"But we already HAVE balloons," Rainbow said.

"You don't understand! It's not just balloons... it's ANYTHING! You see, before, whenever a pony wanted to come up with an idea, they had to travel all over Equestria, and they never knew if they'd ever find another pony who shared their dreams, and find investors... and investors are hard to find. Believe me, I know. But now, every pony, everywhere in Equestria, can get one of these," Filthy pointed to the rectangle he held, "And share their dreams instantly!"

"But the balloon disappeared," Pinkie pointed out.

"I think the balloon was an illusion," Celestia said, skeptical.

"Ah yes," Filthy said. "A, um, minor detail. But believe me. I can recognize a business opportunity when I see one. And Everypony is going to want one of these. In fact," Filthy turned to Mr. Zhang, "I think all the Earth people will want one too. I'd be more than happy to go in with you. What do you say?"

"I would never support such an insane idea," Mr. Zhang said. "It's preposterous."

"Very well," Filthy said, disappointed. "I won't get the profits I wanted, but, a minor setback. Everypony, I hereby declare... I am pulling out all my investments in the planet Earth. I invest only in places with imagination, and there is more than plenty of that right here. From now on, I invest only in Equestria!"

The ponies cheered with joy.

"You can do that," Mr. Zhang snarled, "But it'll be the worst mistake of your career. I still have half the ponies of Equestria in my pocket."

"You may have that," Filthy said, "But Equestria is a free market society, and with my money, I can do as I please."

"This isn't over," Mr. Zhang said, and he left the assembly. But the other ponies were too excited to care. Even Princess Celestia found herself caught up in the excitement.

"So I can have... any thing I want?" Rainbow asked.

"Ooh, even chocolate-covered bunny-balloons filled with cake and ice cream?" Pinkie exclaimed.

"It'll only be an illusion," Celestia reminded her.

"But still... that's... pretty cool!" Rainbow said. "Sign me up, Mr. Filthy!"

Celestia was happier than she had ever been. The legislature, which was sort of her idea, turned out to be a good one; and now even the profit-minded Filthy Rich had decided to pull all his investments out of Earth. Perhaps, she dared to think, Equestria might be okay after all! She only regretted that Princess Luna was not here to share this moment with her. But no matter, she would tell her all about it.

Pinkie typed into the rectangle. "I want... a balloon!" She said. And a balloon popped out, then disappeared.

"I want..." Pinkie said, typing again, "Another balloon!" And another balloon popped out, then disappeared.

"Aw, come on Pinkie, you have to think of something really cool. Move over," Rainbow took her space. "I want, a giant dragon with rainbow scales and lightning shooting out of his ears!"

The ponies gasped as what she wanted materialized in front of her, then disappeared. Ah, we can tell Luna later, Celestia thought. It was her turn to wish up something; and it was going to be really captivating. Now, what will it be?

Divine Promises—A Terrorist Poem

This is my submission to Meg McLain's "Online Terrorist Keywords" Poetry Contest. Every italicized word is a terrorist keyword.

My wish
Is the execution of every smart body scanner
And though I'm accustomed to watch no other,
To exercise the initiative of my love,
And invite an emergency landing
Beneath the galaxy
Of night.

And in case I collapse
In the explosion
Of emotion
Just recall
That should my avian soul
Speak human to human,
No other power is smart enough
To constrain the gods of skin
That sweat in the memory of your blue
Dress, which we cancelled in our one night.

And should I burst forth
And tremor in the avalanche
Of concealed promises,
Only with you it is not
Such a disaster;
Tempered as it is by the lightening
In your electric eyes.

It is a queer strain of
Cancelled passions
That commonly hail the
Outbreak of lovers' arguments;
But though I'm hostage to your green eyes,
Kidnapped by your home grown idiosyncrasies,
Even a small sigh could bring relief.

My words are but an incident
Of the typhoon that racks
My soul, or the
Organized crime that balks
At the mitigation of reason—
The old standoff spoken of
By the several poets, breaching the secrets
So toxic to every standard dream.

For only in this state of emergency
Is the facility of the starry
Divine unearthed,
Yet it crawls like an infection
And pains me,
My lover of North Korea,
Like a chemical burn.
I am, again,
A sick and wilted rose
Alone, with no vaccine,
Only the narcotics
Of the forgotten pictures
You took in China.

We all ask for
Closure in the extremism of passion,
The target of holy jihad,
Like a worm of never-ending failure or outage,
A calderon that can be tempered
Only in a wave of compassion—
Not an assassination of desires.

My wish
Is the execution of every smart body scanner
And though I'm accustomed to watch no other,
To exercise the initiative of my love,
And invite an emergency landing
Beneath the galaxy
Of night.

Debates on Brony Sex

Just got back from my trip to Ponyland in Equestria. A particularly American conceit is to assume that our actions here have no effect on other countries. I want to emphatically say that Equestria CARES about the American Brony scene. They pay attention, and it is wrong to assume they don't. And the debate over there is fascinating. I'll share with you a couple articles lifted from the Equestrian media about sexual objectification of ponies, particularly Fluttershy.

---

"Be Kind to Fluttershy: Don't Assume." By, Twilight Sparkle.

It is unfortunate that in today's culture a pony cannot escape sexualization. Of course, I'm no stranger to sexuality. In the 21st century, it's becoming increasingly obvious that none of us are. In fact, that's partially my point. Lets face the facts: ponies are becoming increasingly sexually liberated. Once modern medical science and the industrial revolution brought about the pony condom and the ability to cure some and detect most pony sexually transmitted diseases, Equestria responded my loosening the sexual mores of the past. It's unnecessary to elaborate. Suffice to say that Fluttershy's sexuality, like that of many ponies in Equestria, is probably multifaceted. And active.

Now one may argue that because a pony's sexuality is active, actively seeking attention from others, that he or she must necessarily invite sexual objectification to fulfill his or her desires. An incredulous Brony may say, "I have a right to respond to the sexual activity of ponies. If they cast sexual attention on others, am I not simply returning the favor?" Leaving aside the presumptuousness of assuming a pony wants to have sex with you, or any human for that matter, the difficulty in this statement lies in the distinction between open sexuality and forced projection of sexuality.

Sexuality should come with no expectations, no presumptions, no expectations. For Fluttershy to continue to be the confident woman pony she is, she must operate on a level plane of autonomy. Fluttershy must respond to the objective challenges she faces as they are, without laboring under other people's expectations and presumptions. She cannot live to please others: she must live to be herself. Although Fluttershy has a penchant for consideration of others, she consistently does not allow this consideration to degenerate into obsequious self-deprecation. It is one of her more notable talents. But unfortunately, the very virtue of consideration for others invites social pressures. It is unfair for us to add to them, especially in the emotionally potent arena of sexual activity.

It is okay for a human to be attracted to Fluttershy, or any other pony. Again, she is sexually active, and invites sexual attention. But, if you objectify her, and presume that she must fulfill sexual roles on demand, this violates her autonomy and increases unfair pressures, making it difficult to for her to fulfill her obligations as a citizen of Ponyville.

What's the alternative? Simply this: open Brony sexuality. Attraction without expectations. It may take some decolonization, but it should be achievable with practice. Don't make the mistake that I am anti-male, anti-Brony, or anti-pony sex. But as a society, we must lessen the pressures on Equestrian females. It is the only way for Equestrian civilization to grow and progress.

---

"Wake Up! Sex is Dialectic! A Response to Sparkle." By, Princess Luna

It is difficult for me, being in a position of authority, to write an opinion piece like this, for fear that it may come across as an edict. Let me begin by saying I share some sympathies with Twilight; I am well aware of the need for sexual liberation of woman ponies, as well as the need to fight off the Brony invasion any way we can. I find it undignified that humans from a different planet have the gall to steal away our young maidens for sexual intercourse. But this is all beside the point. The real reason I am writing this is to point out the blatant logical fallacies Sparkle uses to advance her case.

Sparkle's argument rests entirely on the distinction she draws between sexual objectification and sexual "openness." I find that no such distinction exists. Any sort of "level plane" one tries to imagine falls apart upon close inspection. Why? Because openness, to her, essentially means lack of initiative. If one pony does not advance him- or herself upon another, no sexual interaction can take place. "Advancing" is essentially a verb: it is "verbial," if you will. And what does a verb require? An object. A sexual object in this case.

Sex is dialectic. It requires give-and-take. One pony or person advances upon another, and then the other responds, and the first responds to the response, and so on. The kind of vision Sparkle advances, while well-studied, is naïve. It sees sex as a kind of static thing, which somehow miraculously arises from a state of non-relativity, which means non-motion. No action can take place in such a state.

While I do not respect the Bronies and their motives, I do at least understand their nature, which is not much different from our own. When a Brony expresses sexual desire for a pony, he is by necessity objectifying her, and it is not this which I object to. This is natural. And while a Brony should not be allowed to interfere with our Equestrian national self-determination, he should at least be given the same essential rights we respect in Equestria. One of these rights is freedom of speech. If a Brony wants to objectify Fluttershy based on her obsequiousness, which is a weakness of her character, it is not for us to decide whether he can express this. And the fact of this expression alone is not reprehensible. It is not as if by sexually objectifying Fluttershy a Brony is spreading some kind of malicious lie or destructive cultural meme. Again, objectification is natural and necessary. If Fluttershy does not like to be objectified in the way she is, she should work on her character. But she and her friends should not attack Bronies' freedom of speech. Rather, attack the cultural co-optation and colonialism they advance on us; this is the real issue between our species.

I believe Fluttershy is right that she has a right to sexual liberty. But this does not require freedom from objectification. When somepony makes the free choice to objectify her, she has the free choice to respond or not. If the first pony or person forces the choice, and violates her liberty, then we have a problem. But otherwise, she has no right to try to force the first person or pony's thoughts and beliefs. Even if they are a Brony.

Artistic Complexity

If you're an artist trying to strive for complexity, there's a couple of directions you can take. You can have surface complexity, which is simply just a lot of stuff going on. The IDM genre is like this, and I think it's why that genre isn't very popular. It's only complex on the surface. An analogy to rock would be having a drum beat which breaks to do a fill every other measure. After a while it gets old.

Another type of surface complexity is when you do something unique which no one else had thought of before, which requires lots of equipment, or "creativity," or virtuosity. For example, coming up with a new synth hit that has a lot of nuance. Again, I classify this as surface complexity because it's not very interesting. It's just a gimmick. So you've come up with a new thing nobody has done before. Yeah, but is it interesting?

So instead of surface complexity, you could decide to do deep complexity. This is where you inspire complex and interesting thoughts in the art consumer. In music, this requires coming up with an emotional and resonant hook, or chord progression. Unfortunately, however, there are only a few possible chord progressions. And you have to also exclude the chord progressions which are (currently) ineffective at communicating any sort of message.

Deep complexity is more difficult to achieve than surface complexity. And, ironically, deep complexity also goes by another name: "simplicity." Miles Davis required extreme simplicity of his band members. But really, his music is incredibly complex, because it inspires complex emotions and makes a complex musical statement.

Deep complexity is really the last frontier for musicians. It's difficult to achieve, and artists can be satisfied that they will have the opportunity to refine the required skills for the rest of their lives and beyond.

Hyper Crush's Crushstep

I've been listening to Hyper Crush's entire new album for free. Yes, you can do that. Legally. And it's amazing. By which I mean, brilliant. Let me focus on just one song: "Cheap Thrills."

This has all the hallmarks of great literature. It's philosophical and deep, dramatic, inspiring, creative, and entertaining. (And one more: it's addictive. I can't stop listening to it because it blows my mind so much.)

Let me break it down for you.

• Philosophical and deep. It's not just hedonism. It takes a philosophical / political stance. The hero of the song has money on his brain like the rich industrialists. But he still stays positive ("I've made it, yeah, I'm alright") even though overwhelmed by the suffering of the world. He talks of the seven billion people in the world, but (unfortunately) "All we tryin' to do is pop." He takes on a certain role ("I'm hot, I've gotta be") with reluctance, but only because he must to fulfill his face-melting obligations to his fans.
• Dramatic. It involves characters and conflicts. There are two main characters who have inner conflicts and intra- conflicts. The rapper has an inner conflict along the lines I've already described. The female character has an inner conflict too. She "can't even see straight, but I'm on my feet still." She's fighting to stay standing and party positive despite the pull of her inner demons. Also, there's a subtle conflicted relationship between the female and the male. The female is obviously partying (she keeps asking for drinks) and presumably, she's partying to the music performed by the male. She's feeding off of that music, which is an "angel" keeping them both afloat in this "evil world."
• Inspiring. Because the characters triumph over their conflicts, it's inspiring. "But wait," you might say, "They don't triumph. They're still fighting in the end." Yes. And I feel this borrowed trope from the Rave culture is even MORE inspiring. I mean, in literature of the past the heroes had some kind of "final" triumph which ultimately ends all conflicts. But that's not really the way real life works most of the time. In real life, instead of chasing that ultimate triumph, sometimes just the fact you're still standing at the end of the day (or night) is enough. And what makes Rave music so brilliant is that, unlike Rock concerts, it SUSTAINS the party into infinity until the heavens fall into the sea and that final triumph finally comes. In this song, and in real raves, the people are still standing, dancing, all through the life, into eternity. We never stop. We never surrender.
• Creative. To be creative, a song must be both novel and reinforcing. It must have new ideas, and reinforce already established ones. This song adds that novel Hyper Crush flair to an established pop genre: DubStep. (It's not DubStep: it's CrushStep!)
• Entertaining. It doesn't just long endlessly for the sunrise at the end of the night. It makes happiness concrete. This song is the shit. Period. That's what's entertaining about it. I can listen to it and not get lost in the pathos. It's brilliant. (Also the reason why I like Hyper Crush's remix of "Somebody That I Used to Know" by Gotye better than the original.)

There is nothing about this song I don't like. It's one of the most amazing songs I've heard. Listen. You won't be disappointed.

Madonna's New Album

I don't know what happened to Madonna. I was just listening to tracks off her new album MDNA (probably the coolest album name I've heard in a long time, by the way) and it strikes me that she just doesn't get it. She doesn't get Rave music. Or worse: she's just trying to capitalize off it without adding anything.

I mean, don't get me wrong. It's not bad music. I'd rather listen to it than a lot of music out there. But it's just not great. And what gets me is, Madonna used to be great. Her song "Material Girl" is one of my favorite songs of all time. "Vogue"—same thing: positive message, edgy, complex, confidence-building, interesting, entertaining, etc. And her album, Erotica, is not only brilliant music, but brilliant literature. It's great poetry that can stand up to just about anyone in the English literary canon. And I should know: I've studied the stuff seriously.

But MDNA is just not that great. Same thing with the past several of her albums. MDNA features a couple cameos from an artist I really respect: M.I.A. The cameos were stupid and vapid. So how come I still respect M.I.A. but not Madonna? Because M.I.A. makes sense to me. I understand her. She is one of the few pop artists out there who can legitimately say "I just want to put a cap in your ass and take your money." A lot of artists claim they come from the ghetto and are bad boys or bad girls. But M.I.A. came from an INDIAN ghetto. She was a war refugee. Her father was a Tamil Tiger. When M.I.A. does a stupid collaboration (and she does a lot of them) it's not because she's stupid. It's because she's a gangsta popping a cap in the ass of the music industry and taking their money. She's a musical warlord. She makes sense.

But I don't get Madonna. Maybe there's something I'm missing. I feel somewhere along the line she lost it somehow. And I wish she would just find a way to do the brilliant, amazing music that I know she can do. Whether it's because of greed, or if she's in a dark place right now, I don't know. But I don't understand. I wish she would just... come back.