So I met this beautiful girl with platinum hair and fell in love. We decided to take a trip to the mall. To our surprise, everyone was out of business except for the department store, which was having a going-out-of-business sale. The mall was very empty. We had some fun looking at advertisements in the department store, then she decided to give me a blow job.
It was specifically a "blow" job; she was very experienced in sex, and carefully weighed the options and decided that in this case actual "blowing" would be more fun than sucking. I honestly would've enjoyed it either way, but I left it up to her.
When we were done, we left the department store, and noticed all the cars were gone. In their place were advertisements. I was curious what they were about, and why society had suddenly gone all whacky. My platinum-haired girlfriend didn't want anything to do with them; she thought they were suspicious. But I was curious. They were interactive advertisements, so I interacted with one of them, and it spat out a radio.
I listened to the radio and it said, "Society is over. But come see our new movie by Steven Spielberg!"
I said to my GF, "Hey, apparently there's this new movie by Steven Spielberg. I don't really like Steven Spielberg, but this one might be interesting."
"Whatever," she said, still apprehensive of the advertisements.
We walked to the movie house, but in its place was a building with a series of rooms. We both went in to have a look around. They said, "Welcome to the new Steven Spielberg movie! But first we have to get to know you."
So they shuttled us from room to room asking us questions. It was rather annoying, but the real problem came when me and my girlfriend got separated. Then I decided, Okay, I've had enough. I asked them to be reunited with my girlfriend and to be shown the exit, and told them I was no longer interested in the movie, thank you very much.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Are you sure you're sure?"
"Yes."
"You'll miss the movie."
"Do what I asked dammit!"
So they did what I asked and I was satisfied, until I realized that they reunited me with the wrong woman! This woman was much older and had pink hair, not platinum hair. And furthermore, she seemed to form some kind of unnatural attachment to me, and I didn't like it one bit.
I immediately entered the building again and DEMANDED to be reunited with my girlfriend. Meanwhile, this other woman was hounding me about wanting to have children. I said, "No."
Finally, I found my girlfriend, and said, "Are you okay? I was worried about you!"
She was clearly upset, just like me. We decided to go to her house, which was nearby, and talk. She had had several of my babies while in the building. But since she'd only given me a blowjob, and not intravaginal sex, they were chocobo babies.
So I followed my girlfriend and the chocobos, who were all in a line running behind her as chocobos do. But the pink-haired lady was still following me. She demanded that I give her money. I told her "no," but she kept demanding. So I said, "I don't know why you want money, because society has disappeared. But fine. If you'll go away, I'll give you money." And I gave her money.
But it wasn't enough. Now she insisted she was hungry and wouldn't leave until I gave her something to eat. "Alright, fine. I'll give you something to eat."
Then she started chewing on me. "Not of my flesh!!" I said. But she didn't stop. Anyway, it turns out this woman wasn't a woman at all, but a flesh-eating alien from outer space.
Finally we got to the platinum-haired girl's house, and I said, "Look. If you stop chewing on me, I'll give you something to eat, and I'll promise you'll like it."
She shook her head "no," my calf still in her mouth.
I sighed and opened my girlfriend's refrigerator. I pulled out a leg of ham, and took the plastic off and waved it under her nose. She became enraptured by the scent.
"I told you!" I said.
She knawed on the ham for a while, then looked in the refrigerator and said, "Cocoa Puffs!!!!"
And it was all a big commercial for Cocoa Puffs.
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