"You're Not Really Here:" In Anticipation of the End of a Shitty World

"Don't worry. You're not really "here." That is, you're not really "enslaved." Every passing wish is a movement away from that, and everybody wants the same thing. The more you live, the less you're here."
     —The Goddess Diana

Okay, Diana didn't really say that. I did. But Diana's response to the pressing issues of this year, for myself and everybody else who is having the shittiest of years, is that THIS IS THE TEST. Is the world worthwhile? Is living here on planet Earth worth the time?

Should I be aggressive and try to make everything better, or should I be passive-aggressive and let everything be shitty, let the world put pink ribbons on my hair and dress me in Alice-in-Wonderland dresses and destroy any semblance of a will, ultimately creating the karma, I think, which will lead me to be reborn as a world-destroyer and kill this entire planet? This is the test. (Have you ever felt that way?)

Me, in the "Slave Room"

Tally for the year:

Personal:

1. Psychiatry: Succeeds in making sure I can't wake up in the mornings
2. Job hunt: Fails because I can't wake up in the mornings
3. Conceptionism: No market: people don't like it because I state that a goddess has a female gender (only language which doesn't refer in any way to gender is acceptable)
4. Music: Fails: everyone says my music is genius, so I spend over $100 on an album, one person buys it
5. Film: Fails: only one person liked my latest film, can't produce more because I have no money and no market
6. Sangha activities: Fails: can't drive up to retreat, a) car breaks down, b) don't have enough money; can't make it to meditations, can't wake up in mornings
7. Personal retreat: Fails: I get too depressed to stay awake
8. Antipsychiatry: Fails: everyone thinks they know more about schizophrenia and psychiatry than I do
9. Personal psychology: People make vague hints that I was traumatized as a child, proceed to systematically not care

World-wide:

1. Psychiatry: Huge, monolithic force and growing, medicating children, outlawing ways of thinking, committing genocide, no one is even coming close to stopping it, everyone is in love with it, no one cares that its only purpose is to destroy your soul
2. Religions: Everyone hates each other for their beliefs, but don't try to understand those beliefs
3. Philosophy: The process of digging in your heels and stubbornly accepting stupid and ill-conceived ideas so you can yell at people
4. Business: The deliberate attempt to hurt everyone for no reason
5. Computers: a) Moving away from the Internet and towards proprietary cell-phone apps, b) moving towards closed-source software that sucks for no reason, c) Google floundering because it is Internet- and open souce-based, d) Why? See "Business"
6. Government: Everyone hates it for the good things it does and loves it for the bad things it does

Good things:

1. Loving goddesses, deities, even demons, etc. clearly proving that literally everything on this Earth is completely, irredeemably evil, and that there is no purpose trying to find happiness until after I've died and moved on to another world.
2. Graduated with degree: systematically doesn't make a difference, thus proving that everything which happens which is good is merely symbolic, and that true happiness cannot happen until after death.
3. Obama wins reelection: but congress is still divided, thus proving that that everything which happens which is good is merely symbolic, and that true happiness cannot happen until after death.

I have nothing to offer this world.
This world has nothing to offer me.

WHY AM I HERE.

"I fought the war and the war won" — Words of Psychiatric Wisdom

Church's response: You're here to do what the fuck I say and shut up.
Psychiatry's response: You're here to drool on the carpet, do what the fuck I say, and shut up.
Business's response: You're here to do what the fuck I say and shut up.
Government's response: You're here to pretend like you make a difference even though you don't.
School's response: You're here to pretend like you make a difference even though you don't.
Goddesses' response: You're not really here. Less so the more time goes by.