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24 August 2012

Brandon Raub: It Could Happen to Anyone

Well I was silent on this for a while, but since Brandon Raub got almost half as much attention as a turnip, I have to comment.

It's bullshit.

This kind of indefinite detention happens every day, and would be happening with or without NDAA or the Patriot Act. Where was the Rutherford Institute when it happened to me?

The problem is not the government, but psychiatry, which is, and always has been, fundamentally opposed to a free society. From Foucalt's Madness and Civilization: "[Madness] is at every moment judged from without; judged not by moral or scientific consciousness, but by a sort of invisible tribunal in permanent session." I know what he's talking about, because I've experienced it. Why police, arrest, try, and execute undesirables if you can get them to do all this to themselves? This is the essence of psychiatry. Psychiatry was an evil and illegitimate institution since its inception.

And now people get worked up because they think it might happen to them, under the Patriot Act. Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but if a couple of psychiatrists say it is going to happen to you, it's damn well going to happen to you. That's the way it's always been. But, oh, I thought it was only supposed to happen to those crazy people nobody cares about, not to ME. Again: if psychiatrist says you're crazy, you're crazy, cause psychiatrist says.

Fight the problem at its source: end the institution of psychiatry.

10 August 2012

Revolution in Equestria

It was a ray of sunshine which woke Applejack that morning. She thought it strange, being used to waking at the sound of the rooster. But no matter, she thought, merely a small setback for a hard day's work. Undeterred, she hopped right out of bed. After a quick breakfast, she set out to begin the day's harvest, but was greeted by a surprise visitor.

"Well howdy do, Mr. Filthy. I wasn't expecting you today. What can we do ya for? Another couple a bushels for the department store?" Applejack said.

"Applejack," Filthy Rich said, "I'm afraid I have some bad news."

"Well I'm sorry to hear that, Filthy. What seems to be the hangup?"

"I'm afraid we're going to have to terminate our relationship."

Applejack stumbled.

"T... t... terminate?"

"Yes. I have just turned over our supply chain, for quite a profit. In fact, me and the family are going for an extended vacation to Canterlot. It was quite a deal."

"But... Mr. Filthy... our apple farm... Why, your our biggest buyer..."

"Yes, I know. It was a tough decision, but I believe it was the best we could make."

This can't be right, thought Applejack, it just can't.

"Well, I have to tell you, you're making a mighty awful mistake... our apples are the best in Equestria."

"We don't buy from Equestria anymore."

"Why... don't buy from Equestria... where do you buy from?"

"Funny story that... someone from a distant land called Earth by the name of Mr. Zhang stopped by the other day and offered just about everything we sell for practically nothing. I could hardly believe it, but when the shipments started coming in... well, business has never been better. Anyway, I'm off to Canterlot. Good luck, Applejack."

Applejack stood stunned as Filthy left the farm for what appeared to be the last time.


Though in her heart she was unsettled, Celestia smiled as she read the latest report on friendship from Twilight. But her meditations were interrupted as Luna burst through the door of the castle.

"Sister. I have terrible news."

"What is it, Luna? What's wrong?"

"A man from Earth is buying the supply chain for all the shops in Equestria. Twenty percent of the vendors now buy exclusively from Earth, and more are signing on by the minute."

Celestia weighed her response.

"I know, Luna," she replied. "I've already met Mr. Zhang. He's quite a disagreeable man."

"We must do something," said Luna. "If we don't act, within a week Mr. Zhang will own half the economy of Equestria."

"I've already decided."

Good, thought Luna. She's thought of something already. I knew she would be quick on her hooves.

"Sister, I'm sure you've chosen best," Luna said, "And I'll offer my resources any way I can. I can summon an army, if you wish, or we can use the elements of harmony and other magic to produce desirable objects to compete with this... Earth."

"No, sister. Nothing like that."

"Then how? How will we counter this threat?"

Celestia considered how best to put it. "If Zhang had come to our attention sooner, or if we had more influence on the land of Earth, we could have done as you suggest. But now, too many ponies' livelihoods depend on Mr. Zhang. If Zhang wants to buy some of our economy, I believe we will have to let him. It may hurt for a while, but given time, I have faith that the ponies of Equestria will make the right choice."

Luna could hardly believe what she was hearing. Let him? When the very integrity of the nation and pride of its people depended on action?

"You do not understand the graveness of this threat, sister. We are royals. I say we act like it. Nationalize the magic industry. Unionize the Grand Galloping Gallop. That event alone employs half of Equestria, and generates more income than all the shops combined. We'll show everyone what happens to foreigners who try to overrun Equestria."

"Luna, I'm sorry, but I've decided."

Luna shook her head in disbelief, and her disbelief turned to anger.

"Celestia. You are wrong. We have to act. We have to issue a decree. If you don't do it, I will."

Celestia turned a hardened gaze to her sister. "Luna, this has gone on long enough. We are not issuing a decree. Remember, I imprisoned you once, I can do it again."

Luna reared her head.

"You spineless coward!"

And with that, she turned to leave.

Celestia sprang up on her hooves. "Luna, consider carefully. Whatever you intend to do, I've already thought of it."

But Luna would not be deterred. The ponies will make the right choice, the dark princess thought, echoing Celestia's words. Fine. If she wants them to choose, we'll let them choose. We'll just see the kind of choices magical ponies are capable of.


"Applejack, calm down. I'm sure it's not that bad," Twilight said.

"But Twilight! All of the apples... from Earth... what about my farm?"

"You grow the best apples in Equestria. I'm sure somepony will want to buy them."

"You don't understand... he was my biggest buyer! And the apples will go to harvest in two weeks! Who can I find to buy them so quickly?"

"We'll just have to put our heads together," Twilight said. "We'll find a solution."

Applejack sniffled.

"Applejack, it's okay. Together, as friends, we're unstoppable," Twilight said.

Just then, Rainbow Dash burst through the door.

"Twilight! Luna's in Ponyville, and you wouldn't believe the things she's saying! Come see for yourself!" And Rainbow flew straight off.

"This is great, just the distraction we needed. Applejack, why don't we go see the princess, and we'll worry about the farm later, okay?"

"Okay, Twilight. I just hope we come up with something..."

"We will, I promise."

Twilight and Applejack left the library and made their way to the town center. All the ponies were gathered, and the excitement was palpable.

"Hey, this is quite the gathering," Twilight said to one of the crowd, hoping to get Applejack into the spirit of things. "What's all this about?"

"Luna is talking about a new order, freedom of choice, I just... can't believe it! Shh, she's still speaking..."

Twilight was confused—freedom of choice? I make choices all the time... I feel free... what could she mean?

"And furthermore," Luna declared, "I decree that the night shall be a time of freedom and enjoyment. Anypony who wants to exercise his or her lifestyle choices, has the freedom to do so any time, but especially at night."

The ponies looked on in wonder.

"I also decree that the Everfree Forest, a place of freedom, as well as all national parks and buildings, shall be common property, to be available to anypony as he or she chooses."

What an amazing idea, Twilight thought. Common property? Why this surely means that instead of being served to whatever pony shows up first, it must be shared... and sharing means friendship, doesn't it?

"And for the sake of everypony and their unalienable rights, I have one final decree. This may be frightening at first, but it is very important. I decree,"

The crowd was hanging on the next word.

"...That my sister and I both renounce our role as rulers of Equestria."

The crowd gasped.

"That's right. From now on, you will choose your ruler. Of course, the ruler must be of royal family. But nevertheless, the choice remains with you."

A revolutionary idea! Twilight thought. It would make more sense if any pony could be chosen instead of just those of royal family, but this is a significant change.

"Look, it's Celestia!" someone shouted.

Celestia descended from the sky and landed next to Luna. She turned to her sister and hissed, "What you've done is rash beyond words."

"You think so? Well the next move is yours. Try to undo my decree, I dare you; you'll have a revolution," she hissed back.

Celestia addressed the crowd. "What you've heard is correct. Your destiny is in your own hooves; You may now choose your own ruler. Me and Luna humbly present ourselves as candidates. Elections will be held tomorrow."

Rainbow dashed up to Twilight and Applejack.

"Did you hear that?" She said. "Can you believe it? Choose our own ruler! Why I would make the most awesome ruler in all of Equestria!"

"Rainbow, didn't you hear? She said only royals can run," Twilight said.

"Well I'm pretty royal," Rainbow said, "I mean, come on! I'm just full of royal awesomeness, and I can think of some changes I'd make right now..."

"I just hope there's something I can do for my farm," Applejack said, still downtrodden.

"Don't worry," Twilight said. "I'm going to pay the Princess a visit. I have some ideas I want to discuss with her. We'll address the farm situation. I'm sure she'll be favorable."


The sun shone through the ornate stained glass windows of the royal palace, and Twilight was optimistic.

"So, your highness, about candidates. You said only royals can run, right?" Twilight began.

"That's right," Luna said.

"I don't mean to be disrespectful, but you and Celestia are the only royals in Equestria. Don't you think that narrows the possibilities a bit too much?"

"No," Luna said. "I'm sure in your studies you've come across royal heritage, right?"

"I tried to study that subject, but every time I make a request to Canterlot, the answer comes back that the knowledge is secret," Twilight said.

Luna glared at Celestia.

"That's right," Celestia said, "It's secret in order to protect ponies from descending into chaos. But I think what Luna is getting at is that there are ways for anypony to become royal."

"Really? How?" Twilight asked.

"It's a difficult subject and takes time to explain," Luna said. "We'll have all the time in the world to discuss it later, but I'm sure there are more pressing concerns?"

"Well yes. But just to make sure I got this right, anyone can become royal?" Twilight asked.

"That's right," Luna said.

"Well that's reassuring. So. Moving on... I was just wondering, your highness, what changes do each of you plan to implement?" Twilight said.

"Well, for one, I..." Celestia began.

"Let's skip the games," Luna snapped. "We both know you're not going to win, Celestia."

"I thought it was a free choice," Celestia retorted.

"Everypony associates me with freedom. Do you really think after I just gave them their freedom they would turn around and choose the old order? You're smarter than that."

Celestia flushed red. "That's a pretty arrogant assumption."

"Remember, you said ponies would make the right choice? Well, they will. Believe me."

The two sisters glared at each other.

"Okay, well... that's... edifying." Twilight said. "Shall we start with you, then, Luna?"

"What do you want to know? I have a lot of ideas, and unlike those of my opponent," Luna shot a look at Celestia, "They are all very innovative."

"I'm sure they are," Twilight said carefully. "And one area that needs... innovation, is the farm situation. Applejack says that Filthy Rich no longer does business with her. What can we do about that?"

"Twilight Sparkle, that is, and always has been, my first and biggest concern. Applejack isn't alone; half the small businessponies of Equestria have the same problem."

"Right," Twilight said, with sparkles in her eyes. "So my thinking is this: Applejack makes the best apples in all of Equestria. If she simply has a market to sell them in, she can't go wrong. But the value of the bit has not kept pace with the new goods on the marketplace. This is, in my opinion, because it runs under the old system. The palace determines the value of the bit, based on the needs of the most profitable businessponies, but the rest of Equestria must follow along even if it doesn't apply to them. So why not set up local currencies and allow the marketplace to determine the value of the bit? That will liberate the marketplace, and give Applejack new opportunities to sell her products."

"Twilight, your knowledge of economics is impressive, but I think you're wrong." Luna sighed. "It's hard to explain, but without the palace-controlled bit, nopony would be able to trade with one another. It just doesn't work that way."

"But I thought the whole idea of the new order was freedom of choice..." Twilight said, taken aback.

"Choices come with contexts, like unicorns come with magic. Like a unicorn without a horn, a choice without a context is meaningless. The palace-controlled bit is the context of trade. That's just how it works."

"But... what can we do to help Applejack?" Twilight asked.

"The solution is simple. Nopony really wants to buy Earth apples. They cause indigestion. They taste bad. They look ugly. Ponies only buy them because they're cheap," Luna said.

"But how do we get ponies the money to buy good apples?" Twilight wondered.

"The first step, as I've been saying all along," Luna said, "Is to unionize the Gallop."

Celestia snorted.

"If we allow ponies to band together to determine the rewards of labor," Luna continued, "More money flows, more ponies have money, and more business goes to your friend."

"If you unionize the Gallop," Celestia said, "It'll be everypony for himself. You'll have to deal with more worker demands than the palace has seen in the history of Equestria."

"It's the only solution which makes sense," Luna said.

"It's the worst solution I've heard," Celestia retorted.

"You've offered no solutions," Luna said. "You just want to wish the problem away."

"You just want to take control over all of Equestria," Celestia responded. "It's what you've wanted from the beginning."

"You're the one who won't give up control. My motivations are good."

"You have no royal instinct. You make no sense."

"You have no imagination."

"Guys," Twilight said, "Are you sure my solution doesn't make sense?"

"YES!" They both shouted.

"Oh," Twilight said, startled, "Okay then. Well, we'll just have to see who wins, right?"

"Right," Luna said, glaring at Celestia.

With that, Twilight left the palace. She couldn't help but think, I have a bad feeling about this.


Pinky Pie's party to celebrate the election was rapidly becoming one of the most successful she'd ever thrown. And even Applejack, still reeling from her loss, was getting into the excitement.

"Luna won!" Rainbow exclaimed. "I mean, can you believe it? This is so cool!"

"Yeah, if this isn't a topsy-turvy change, it'll do until the change gets here," Applejack said.

"I wish Celestia would've won," Rarity said. "Equestria was just fine before the election. It's all too sudden."

"I don't think so," Fluttershy said. "I mean, I think Luna has good ideas. She's right that we should be kinder to the workers at the gallop."

"I didn't really care who won," Pinkie said. "It means a great party! Democracy is fun!"

"Yeah, I just wish it were more... of a democracy democracy. Ya know?" Rainbow said. "I mean, only royals get to run. What's up with that?"

"Well, the princesses were a little nebulous on that point," Twilight said, "But apparently anyone can become royalty. I just don't know how it's done."

"Really?" Rainbow said, "I would make the best royalty ever! Man I'm going to be the next President of Equestria, and I'll make up the coolest rules..."

"You're not President yet, Rainbow," Twilight said, sarcastically.

"All this really means," Rarity said, "Is that we have one ruler now instead of two. I don't know what Luna has in mind, speaking of rules, but such a drastic change rings of chaos to me."

"Well I'm sure we'll find out tomorrow," Twilight said. "I don't think all her ideas are the best, but it'll be interesting to find out what she does. And I'm sure it'll all turn out okay."

"Yeah, don't worry about rules," Pinkie exclaimed, "Time for party!"


The next day everypony eagerly awaited the new decrees of their President. And Luna showed up right on time to satisfy them. Only Twilight had some idea of what the decrees were going to be, but even she couldn't help but show a little excitement.

Luna began, "I am happy to see all of you gathered here today. I know you have a hard day's work ahead of you, and as the small businesspony is my first concern, I'll be as brief as possible. First of all, I understand that everypony has thoughts and ideas and fantasies that are unique to them. And the soul of free choice is free exercise of ideas."

The ponies seemed confused.

Luna continued, "As you know, the old rules have been restrictive. But the rules have changed, and society should change with it. I am the last pony to stand in the way of freedom. Therefore, I decree... homosexuality is now legal."

The ponies gazed in amazement. But Twilight was skeptical. What does this have to do with anything? She thought. She's just trying to win political points.

"And furthermore," Luna continued, "If anypony wants to share photographs of their experiences with the Brony market, that, too, is acceptable."

The audience applauded, hesitantly.

"Also, I decree that the Grand Galloping Gallop is to be unionized. That's right: all ponies have the right to bargain for fair pay in their employment."

Twilight knew this, of course. But Luna delivered one unexpected decree, and she could deliver more.

"There is one more thing," Luna said. "Like everypony here, I value harmony and solidarity among all Equestrians. But there are circumstances where friendship, though indispensable, is not enough. There are times, in short, when defense, even armed defense, is necessary. The time has come for pony self-determination. Therefore, I decree... the palace will immediately form a national standing army."

Twilight's heart sunk in her chest. A standing army? She considered the idea. Of course, she's right: there are times when we need to defend ourselves. But Twilight couldn't help but feel something was wrong. She looked around; surprisingly, the idea seemed to go over well with the others. But how far would this go?

"Of course," Luna continued, "No pony is required to join the army unless they so choose. Recruiters will be taking names as soon as the infrastructure is in place."

Two unexpected decrees. Would there be more?

"That is all for now," Luna said. "I will deliver more decrees as they become necessary. Thank you for your support, and enjoy freedom to the fullest!"

Luna left the stage, and the audience cheered. Then, all the ponies discussed the new decrees. It was a strange turn of events. Twilight surveyed the audience, and made out Princess Celestia. Her gaze was hard as stone. Twilight knew she wouldn't confine herself to the shadows forever. She had something in mind.


"Celestia, Celestia. I had no idea it was in you. You, hiding behind your palace walls, nothing but meditation all day, ordering people around. So... boring," Discord crooned. "I would've thought maybe ordering some lowly underling to liberate me, but you doing it yourself? This is, interesting."

"I wouldn't have, believe me, but it was my only choice," Celestia said. "Luna forced my hand. The very idea of democracy invites nothing but chaos. Well, if it's chaos she wants, it's chaos she'll get."

"I like the way you think, Celestia. But my powers are weak. You could turn me into stone any minute. A day or two of being a rock, I can stand. But I know you'd imprison me for all eternity. And I don't want to be a rock forever. It's just not my style. But you obviously freed me for a reason."

"Get to the point," Celestia snapped.

"Ah yes. The point is, if I do whatever it is you want, what's to stop you from turning me back into stone the second I do it? If I do your bidding, what do I get in return?"

Celestia thought about it. "Clearly the rules have changed. In a democracy, you need a little chaos."

"Oh, I like where this is going," Discord said.

Celestia continued, repulsed at the idea she was about to suggest. "Owing to the new... situation, I'm willing to give you charter over some aspect of the palace government."

"What piece?"

"We'll work out the details. But I need to hear ideas."

"Well," Discord said, thoughtfully. "The thought of a charter, I say. That's just wonderful: my own piece of government. And that gives me a very good idea. Let me tell you what I propose."


"Spike, start writing," Rainbow ordered.

"I really think you're wasting your time," Spike said. "I've sent over two hundred of your letters to the Princess, and she hasn't responded to any of them."

"I don't care, Spike. She needs to listen to me. And I'm going to keep writing until she does."

"But..." Spike protested.

"Don't make me make you!"

"Oh right," Spike retorted, "What are you going to do?"

"I... Spike! Just start writing!"

"It's not your job to order me around," Spike grumbled. But he sighed and pulled out the pen and paper.

"Dear Princess Luna," Rainbow began. "This is bullhockey. You told Twilight Sparkle that anyone can be a royal. But I'm still waiting to claim my rightful title. And anyway, when is your term as President up? I've suggested two hundred thirty-two decrees, and you've followed up on none of them. So when do I get to decree them myself? Sincerely, your angry opponent, Rainbow Dash."

"Are you sure you want to call yourself an 'angry opponent?' I mean that seems a little... unstrategic," Spike said.

"Just send it, Spike," Rainbow said.

Spike sighed. "Okay, okay, I'm sending it."

"And if she doesn't respond to THIS one," Rainbow said, "Boy, there'll be trouble."

"You said that the last time," Spike grumbled as he sent the letter.

The door of the library opened, and Twilight came in.

"Twilight!" Spike said. "How was your visit with the Princess? Not too good I take it..."

"It was a disaster. I went to the palace three times."

"And?" Rainbow asked expectingly.

"All three times she didn't even open the doors!"

"That... that... tyrant!" Rainbow punched the air.

"And the last time, one of the palace guards even told me to leave, claiming I was 'trespassing' on palace property," Twilight continued.

"Why I'd show him..." Rainbow said.

Spike asked, "Didn't he know you were a student of the original ruler of Equestria?"

"He mentioned that. He was very respectful. But I knew he wasn't going to give an inch," Twilight said. "I have a feeling something bad is afoot."

"Oh I knew that from the beginning," Rainbow fumed. "This whole 'democracy' thing is a sham."

"Well, just because Luna doesn't implement all your plans doesn't mean democracy is a sham, Rainbow," Twilight mused. "Still, I don't like how this feels. Something is wrong. Why did Luna kick Celestia out in the first place? Why is she afraid of her? And when I visited them, they were both fighting. Fighting! Something terrible has come between them. And what about this Mr. Zhang? What does he want?"

"Oh don't get me started on Mr. Zhang," Rainbow said. "I think we should have kicked him out the moment he got here. In fact, I even suggested that in one of my letters."

"I don't know, Twilight," Spike said, "But I think Mr. Zhang is at the root of all this."

"I agree," Twilight said, "But one thing's for sure. We're never going to solve him unless Celestia and Luna learn to work together."

"Amen to that," Spike said.

"Look," Rainbow said, "It's Princess Celestia! She's leading a parade. And there's Rarity and Applejack... Maybe Celestia can solve all this..."

"Celestia! I knew she was planning something," Twilight said. "Let's go have a look."

Twilight, Spike, and Rainbow joined the procession. Twilight knew something big was about to happen, and she knew a change would be good. But every pony in the crowd seemed angry. She knew the answer would come when the procession stopped, which it did, at City Hall.

Celestia turned to face the crowd. But it was Applejack who spoke first.

"Everypony," She said, "I know Luna's democracy is a good idea. A great one. And I reckon a lot of thought went into it. But my poor farm is suffering, Big Macintosh is overworked, and I just can't abide the way Princess Luna's been treating the small businesspony."

The crowd nodded in approval.

"I mean, she's taxing us to death. She's cut farm subsidies and wants to cut them further. She wants to unionize everything, but I'm not getting a lick of income to pay for it. Ponies, we have to do something."

Rarity spoke next: "When I first began my own clothing business, I had full control over the production line, and everything worked like clockwork. But now Luna has changed the entire economy. Materials that used to be inexpensive are now expensive, and as a result I have much less creative control. But it's even worse than that.

"One of the most respected clothing outfits in Canterlot was suffering, and, I agree, it got to the point where something had to be done to save the company. But I cannot agree with what Luna did. She... socialized it! The owner of Haute Hooves is a personal friend of mine, and her work is absolutely brilliant. But that day she completely lost control over her company. HER company! When she visited me, she was in tears. I know some of the workers disagreed with her management style, but I think that everypony who has the courage to start their own business, the fortitude to keep it running, and the creative genius to satisfy the customer, should have control over their business."

An angry shout came from the crowd: "The Princess is a socialist!"

"I think something just has to change," Applejack said. "It just has to!"

"I couldn't agree more," Celestia began. "Ponies of Equestria: I've always had the interests of everypony at heart. And Luna's system, while innovative, is unfair. She controls everything, and doesn't listen to the common pony. We need checks and balances. That is why, by the authority of the people, I decree that we form a legislative branch. And I declare this assembly here today the first official political party. We shall be called, the Grand Old Pony Party of Equestria!"

A raucous cheer rose up from the crowd. Twilight could hardly contain herself; the absolute brilliance of the idea overwhelmed her.

"Wow!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed. "Our own political party! I would've chosen a cooler name, but this is awesome! Maybe I can finally make the changes I've wanted!"

Your move, little sister, Celestia thought with pride.


As a way of thumbing her nose, Celestia invited Princess Luna to be the first to address the new legislative assembly. But Luna seemed completely cool and collected. What could she be thinking? Celestia thought. Doesn't she realize how much power she's lost? As Luna strode to the podium, Celestia was nervous.

"Fillies and Gentlecolts," Princess Luna began. "When Celestia and I ruled Equestria together, I learned many things. But most of all, I learned that of all things, ideas are the most powerful. And the idea of freedom is the most precious idea a pony could have. To reify freedom, to make it real, is a supreme gift. By forming this assembly, you ponies have done just that. I always thought that the Presidency had too much power, and from the beginning, I promised the end of royalty. Therefore, whatever decrees and ideas you come up with, I will faithfully execute. I am nothing but grateful for this opportunity to serve my country."

What is she hiding? Celestia thought.

"Thus, please hesitate no further. I decree this assembly in session," Luna said. And without another word, she left.

Celestia approached the podium. "Very well," she said. "What shall we do first?"

Discord made his way into the gallery, careful not to be spotted by anypony, especially not Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, or Twilight Sparkle, who were watching intently from the opposite side of the gallery. This was his moment to shine. He could barely keep still in his seat.

"First of all," one pony began, "the social depravity of Equestria is deeply disturbing. Therefore, I decree homosexuality illegal!"

"You can't do that!" Rainbow Dash said, who was also in the assembly.

"Now now," Celestia said, "We have to vote on it."

"Oh, sorry," The pony said. "I move that we decree homosexuality illegal!"

"NAY!" Rainbow exclaimed.

Celestia cleared her throat. "All in favor?"

"AYE!" the cry rose.

"All opposed?"

"NAY!" Rainbow repeated, joined by several ponies. But the Aye's had clearly won the vote.

"Very well," Celestia declared. "Homosexuality is now illegal! Next item..."

"I move that we decree pornography illegal!" Another pony said.

"Very well... that may have been good for business, but we'll vote on it," Celestia said. "All in favor?"

"AYE!" the ponies cried.

"All opposed?"

"NAY!" said Rainbow and a couple of ponies.

"This is ridiculous," Rainbow exclaimed.

"The ayes have it! Pornography is now illegal. And now on to..."

"And socialism! Socialism too!"

Rarity was a little confused, but she couldn't help but smile to herself.

"Okay, all in favor?"

"AYE!"

"All opposed..."

"...nay?"

"The ayes have it! Socialism is now..."

"I move we abolish the palace currency, dismantle the pony express system, and declare patriotic hoof-stomping the official form of applause!"

The din of hooves stomping resounded in the chamber.

"Wait I don't think that's..." Celestia began, but was interrupted.

"Oh, now the PRINCESS wants to tell us what to do? We should've never made her speaker. We should've never put all this power in one person!"

"This isn't right," Rarity said. "This is wrong. Princess Celestia should be allowed to speak..."

"Well we have to vote on it, but remember these ideas are to become laws..."

"I move we vote on it RIGHT NOW! You have a problem with that, Princess?" The pony sneered.

Celestia glared at him. "Very well. All in favor of this sudden expedient?"

"Aye!" Several ponies said.

"All opposed."

"NAY!" Rainbow Dash shouted. "Your ideas are stupid!"

But the Ayes clearly had it. Celestia swallowed her pride. "Okay," she said. "Very well. The proposal is now law."

"I move we disband the army!" Said one pony. But an angry murmur grew in the assembly; the army was the main source of income for a large number of ponies.

"All in favor?" Celestia said.

"AYE!" Rainbow shouted.

"All opp..."

"NAY!" Shouted everyone else.

"What?? That was the best idea so far!" Rainbow said incredulously.

"Oh," Fluttershy said. "I remember that was Rainbow's first idea." Her heart went out to Rainbow.

"Come on," Applejack said to herself. "Do something for the small businesspony."

"I have in my very hooves a list of socialists in Equestria," said a certain pony. "Ponyville is a rat's nest of socialism, and I happen to know their ringleader is known socialist Twilight Sparkle."

"What? That's not true!" Twilight exclaimed.

"Therefore, I move that we abolish all taxes in Canterlot, but raise taxes in Ponyville! All in favor?"

"It's my job to say that, remember?" Celestia said, angrily.

"Who cares what your job is?" The pony yelled. "I'm a legislator, I say what your job is!"

"That's not how it works!" Celestia said.

"Oh, more orders from the PRINCESS! Who wants to kick out this wannabe queen?"

"AYE!" came the yell.

Celestia suppressed a tremor of fear. "You can't just... kick me out! We have to VOTE on it!"

"We don't need to vote! Everypony knows your tricks!"

"YOU are OUT OF ORDER!" Celestia shouted. "I decree..."

But the other pony's eyes grew wild with anger. "FUCK YOU, ESTABLISHMENT PONY!"

Celestia gasped.

"Why that..." Rarity exclaimed, but was too shocked to finish the sentence.

"Oh Celestia!" Fluttershy gasped.

"KICK HER OUT!" The ponies yelled.

Rainbow Dash could barely think of what to say. "Ponies! Don't you understand democracy at all? We have to work together!"

"You're a friend of Twilight Sparkle, the socialist! Kick her out too!"

"All in favor!" Someone shouted.

"AYE!!"

Celestia was astounded. Discord's eyes caught her glance, and his look said it all. She knew what he was thinking: You were once ruler of all Equestria, but now you're a nothing nopony. Get out of here: your time is over.

Tears welled up in Celestia's eyes. She left in a flurry. Applejack, Rarity, and Twilight looked on in astoundment.

"Hey! Let me go! You can't... I'm a LEGISLATOR!" Rainbow Dash struggled and fought, but the other ponies were too many and too strong. Discord smiled to himself: He hadn't said a word, yet he was the ruler of the assembly, and he knew it. Yes, he thought, this is by far the best trick I've ever pulled.


Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie had convened themselves at Twilight's place. Twilight, however, wasn't there.

"We just have to put our hooves together and come up with something," Applejack said.

"I wish Twilight was here," said Rainbow, crestfallen. "She's the pony with all the ideas."

"She's gone to find Celestia. And I don't blame her," Applejack said.

"That poor, poor pony," Fluttershy said. "I mean, kicking her out like that... that's just so impolite. The way they treated her..."

"Tell me about it," Rainbow said.

As the other ponies discussed, Rarity sat alone in the corner, barely holding back tears. Spike couldn't bear it.

"Rarity, I swear, if there is anything I can do..." he said.

Rarity looked at him, and the tears flowed in quiet streams. "Oh Spike," Rarity said. "I should've never joined that dreadful party!"

"Rarity, I know you ponies will come up with something. I've seen you in worse scrapes before, and a pony like you? You're the most radiant, beautiful, magical..." Spike was interrupted as Rarity embraced him and held him close. And together they shared a common tear: for each other, for Celestia, for the gang... for Equestria.


Twilight Sparkle finally found Celestia deep in the Everfree Forest. She had never seen Celestia like this before: her beautiful hair, which had once flowed so free, seem to droop like a willow. And Celestia could not hold back the sobs.

"Celestia," Twilight gasped, taken aback at her state.

"Oh Twilight," Celestia said. "Everything is all wrong. It's all messed up."

"I know, but surely we can do something. There's always a solution. We just have to have faith, and think this through."

"What's there to think about? Luna runs the show now."

"Well what are her motivations? Do you know what Luna wants in the first place?"

"Of course," Celestia said. "She wants to stop Mr. Zhang. And it's so terrible; I want exactly the same thing. But she had to come in and make all these changes; she wouldn't consult me. She doesn't trust me! My own sister! All I want is what's best for Equestria..."

"She's taken over, hasn't she?" Twilight said.

"She's gotten everything she's wanted. And I know in my heart she's a good pony, and a good ruler. But lately, I just... I feel I've lost... my trust."

"Celestia, I'm so sorry..." Twilight said.

"She's my friend, Twilight. My friend!" The word had so much meaning between them, and Celestia uttering it like this was a desperate plea. "I should've never trusted Discord."

"Wait, Discord is behind this?" Twilight could hardly believe it.

"Of course he is. Couldn't you see the signs? He controls the whole legislature."

"But the legislature was your idea! What happened?"

"No Twilight, it was his idea. And he kicked me out. And one of the ponies... swore at me!"

"Oh Celestia," Twilight said, "This is terrible! What can we do?"

"Twilight," Celestia said, composing herself, "I have no power anymore in Equestria. There is only one thing that can save us now: The magic of friendship."


Twilight Sparkle overlooked Ponyville from the library. A large crowd, organized by Rainbow Dash, had formed; they called themselves Occupy Ponyville. Rainbow had decreed that they vote by consensus, and that nopony was to be the leader. Throughout the night came impassioned speeches of how the system was broken. How Discord had organized a puppet legislature; how Mr. Zhang was behind all of this; how big businessponies were the only ones whose voices mattered.

It was all very touching, Twilight thought, but what exactly did Rainbow hope would happen? The legislature was legislating like crazy against Occupy, and the police were loyal to the businessponies. In all her years of studying friendship, Twilight had never seen less of it in Equestria than now. And lurking in the shadows, as always, was Princess Luna. That night she was visiting Ponyville, and Twilight could see her from the library. She was nonchalantly sharing a word or two with the local army chapter. Despite everything, Twilight thought, she hadn't a care in the world. And why not? After all, Luna firmly controlled the army. The army was her idea in the first place. For all the legislating that Discord's ponies had done, they hadn't weakened her position a bit.

Twilight had always admired Luna, but she couldn't help but find herself mistrusting her. Why did Luna want an army in the first place? What was she planning? Twilight wanted to find out. But after the incident at the palace, the thought of approaching Luna frightened her. She ruminated over the situation, but as much as she disliked the idea, she couldn't think of another solution. She had to talk to her. She thought she had an idea of what Luna was up to, but she needed to confirm it. And she had to trust that Luna would remember her for who she was: a faithful student, a steadfast admirer, and a loyal subject. She made up her mind: She was going to talk to her directly. She could only hope that Celestia was right, and that Luna had some spark of good in her still.

As Twilight made her way through the crowd, she noticed the signs clasped by the ponies' hooves. She saw Applejack; hers said, "GOPP AGAINST DISCORD." Fluttershy's said, "Make love, not Chaos." She saw one pony with a sign that said, "Lost a job: found an Occupation." And one that said, "Fillies for freedom forever!"

Finally Twilight reached the place where Luna was slowly pacing. Twilight was nervous, and the armyponies eyed her suspiciously. But she was resolved to talk to Luna. She approached the dark Princess, and cleared her throat.

"Princess Luna?" She said.

"Twilight Sparkle," Luna acknowledged, barely noticing her.

"Can we please talk?"

"What is there to talk about?"

"Well back there in the assembly... I was just thinking... this couldn't be what you had in mind by democracy."

"And why not?"

"Well Discord runs the whole show."

"Yes. You need a little bit of chaos in democracy. Surely someone with your intellect could've realized that."

"But aren't you afraid they'll take away your power? I mean, the way they treated Celestia..."

Luna shook her head. "Twilight. You may be an expert on friendship, but you know nothing of government. They're not going to do a thing to me."

Twilight was ennobled; she seemed to be opening up to her. "Are you sure? I mean, whatever they say becomes law."

"Yes, but I control the army. And you must remember the original rules: whatever I say becomes law, too."

"Perhaps... but I was just wondering... what's this about the army in the first place?"

"National defense," Luna said, shortly. Twilight considered this, but she just couldn't believe it.

"I'm sorry, but I can't believe that. In the entire history of Equestria, no country has ever even come close to rivaling our power. Our economy, though perhaps a bit downtrodden, is still the most resilient I've studied. And now you say we need an army, too?"

"You don't like it?" Luna asked simply.

"No, frankly, I don't," Twilight said.

"Then why don't you join your friend Rainbow?" Luna said. "See what happens."

Twilight was still nervous, but she felt she had to be stern. "Luna, your ideas are brilliant. But I just have to question your style of leadership. Homosexuality, okay. I mean, it's not my thing... maybe Rainbow Dash... and I'm not too sure about Fluttershy sometimes... but they can make their own decisions, and I respect them. They're my friends," Twilight said. "And unionizing the Gallop—not the decision I would've made, but I can live with it. But going to war? That's just wrong. I know it. I feel it in the very fiber of my being."

"Who said I was going to war?" Luna glared at Twilight.

"Come on," Twilight said, her heart filling more and more with courage. "We both know that's the goal. Who do you plan to attack?"

"I don't like the way this conversation is going."

"Or do you plan to take back Equestria? Declare yourself absolute ruler?"

Luna looked away.

"I know what it is," Twilight said, suddenly realizing. And the realization frightened her; but more than that, it made her angry. "Earth! You can't stand Mr. Zhang. And in retaliation, you plan to attack the entire planet!"

Luna turned suddenly to Twilight. "What would you have me do?" She snarled. "In less than a year's time, Mr. Zhang's army could wipe out all of Equestria, and he has all the businessponies in his pocket. Inaction is not an option."

"Luna," Twilight said sincerely, "You can't fight all of Earth."

"Well unless you have another idea, Twilight, that's exactly what I intend to do."

Twilight was heartbroken. She wanted to say more, but she knew the discussion was over.

"Rainbow was right," Twilight said. "Democracy is broken."

Twilight strode determinedly through the Occupy crowd. She paused, looked at the ground, and shook her head. She found the podium, where Pinkie Pie was addressing the crowd.

"And that... meanie! She... swore! At Celestia!" Pinkie said.

"Uncalled for!" Somepony responded.

"So uncivilized!" Said another.

"The Grand Old Pony Party may have been a good idea," Pinkie continued, "But I've thrown a million parties, and if there's one thing I know about parties, it's that you have to be KIND!"

"That's right!" Fluttershy declared, stomping her hoof for emphasis.

Twilight sniffed. She knew her friends were all in this together. She had to speak.

"Pinkie, I have something to say," Twilight said.

"Go ahead Twilight!" Pinkie responded, stepping off the podium. Twilight stepped up and addressed the crowd.

"From the beginning of democracy, I have been nothing short of amazed at the philosophical brilliance of the whole experience," Twilight said. "And all you ponies, who made it real, I admire you from the depths of my heart."

Twilight knew she had the audience captivated.

"But I could never choose sides between Celestia and Luna. I never understood why at one point they ruled together, as friends, but now they suddenly began to fight," Twilight continued. "And now all of Equestria is fighting too. Friendship, in this midnight struggle, seems distant as a mere dream."

A stir of emotion ran through the crowd. Nopony, they all knew, knew more about friendship than Twilight.

"But now it is resoundingly clear. This standing army Luna formed—the worst idea in the history of Equestria!"

"That's RIGHT!" Rainbow shouted.

"This army was not formed for no reason at all. Luna has dark plans, and I believe she is working with Discord. She doesn't want to defend us. She doesn't want that at all. She wants war!"

The crowd murmured; shocked and angry.

"She plans to go to WAR with Earth! With an entire planet!"

"No!" somepony shouted.

"I'm afraid it's true: I heard it from her directly. But fillies and gentlecolts... and friends."

They were hanging on her words.

"WE have the power to stop her. This is a DEMOCRACY now, whether Luna likes it or not!"

The crowd shouted in assent.

"In a democracy, even if you voluntarily choose to join an army, the President cannot send everypony to war without their consent!"

"That's right! It's our CHOICE!" came the response.

"That is why, I say all of us, right now, join together as FRIENDS and march right up to Princess Luna and declare, with all our hearts, that she can NOT go to war with Earth!"

Several ponies stomped at the ground in approval.

"She may not listen. She may even have us imprisoned. But we have no other choice. And I for one, will not stand by quietly while runs roughshod over our rights. The destiny of Equestria is to be decided, by us, right now: this night. Who's with me?!"

The ponies all shouted with approval, and loudly stomped their hooves.

"I knew she could do it," Fluttershy said quietly to herself, a tear in her eye.


Discord and Luna had locked themselves away in Ponyville city hall, where they prepared for the culmination of weeks of planning.

"And you think Mr. Zhang will go along with it," Luna said with lingering disbelief.

"Of course he will! Nothing like a good, chaotic war to stir up Earth's economy," Discord said.

"And you know we're supposed to be undermining him," Luna said.

"Well, of course, but that's just a small detail. And with his support, the businessponies will be in the bag. All the power of Equestria is behind you! Earth doesn't stand a chance!"

"You know the legislature is not going to go along with this," Luna added.

"Well yes, of course. But they're the legislature! Not going along with stuff is what they do. You're the real power here. Now, let's go over what you're going to say again."

"Alright," Luna said.

"Ooh this is so fun!" Discord clapped. "Go on, go on."

Luna cleared her throat. "Ponies of Equestria," she began. "I know some of you may disagree with what I am about to say. I know we all cherish peace and friendship."

"They'll just eat this up," Discord giggled.

"But we all know Mr. Zhang is the biggest challenge that Equestria..."

"Threat! Say threat," Discord said.

"We all know Mr. Zhang is the biggest threat that Equestria has seen. And while the bonds of friendship usually demand love, we all know sometimes they demand force."

"Ooh, this is delicious..."

"I was elected leader of Equestria, and as leader, I see clearly the two paths before us. One leads to action, to defend our great nation, and the other leads to inaction. But I cannot let this threat go unchecked. That is why I decree..."

"Here it comes..."

"That Equestria is now at WAR with Earth, and all of its people." Luna stomped her hoof at the word.

"Brilliant. You truly are the ruler of Equestria. Celestia couldn't hold a candle to you."

Luna gulped. Celestia, she thought. My dear sister...

"What's wrong?" Discord asked nervously. "Oh, don't worry about Celestia. I'm sure she's found a new country to rule over. Now, let's address the crowd! I see they've gathered here already, ahead of schedule. This is perfect!"

Luna hardened her resolve. She had planned for this moment since the very beginning—since her first argument with Celestia in the palace. And now was the moment of truth. She left the city hall and took the stage.

Celestia had decided, against her better judgement, to join the crowd. She stood in the back, no longer the graceful ruler of old, but a defeated and disenfranchised pony like everyone else. But she wasn't resentful. She had done what she could—what she thought best. The rest was up to Princess Luna. And despite everything her mind had told her, her heart still clung to the distant hope that Luna was still her sister. So she stood, unnoticed, awaiting her latest decree.

"Show me what a police state looks like!" Rainbow shouted.

"THIS IS WHAT A POLICE STATE LOOKS LIKE!" The ponies responded.

"Show me what a police state looks like!" Rainbow repeated. The crowd responded again.

"War is Luna-cy!" Twilight began the chant. Everypony repeated: "WAR IS LUNA-CY! WAR IS LUNA-CY!"

"Let her speak!" Rarity shouted.

"Yeah!" Spike shouted. "Let her seal her political doom!"

Luna took the opportunity to begin. "Fillies and gentlecolts: I know some of you will disagree with what I am about to say."

"Say what you like! It's your actions we disagree with!" Rainbow shouted.

"We all know Mr. Zhang is the biggest challenge, and threat, that Equestria has seen. And while the bonds of friendship usually demand love, we all know sometimes they demand force."

"It's a lie," Fluttershy said, angrily.

"I was elected leader of Equestria, and as leader, I see clearly the two paths before us. One leads to action, to defend our great nation, and the other leads to inaction. But I cannot let this threat go unchecked."

"This threat YOU INVENTED!" Twilight shouted.

"And that is why, I decree..." Luna looked directly at Twilight Sparkle, and their gazes met, both as firm as stone.

"That you have a CHOICE."

The crowd was shocked to silence. A chill ran through Twilight's spine. Discord was too stunned to speak.

"We are all Equestrians," the dark Princess continued, "And we must stand together as brothers and sisters, and as friends. Fillies and gentlecolts, this is OUR country. Mr. Zhang's country may have been founded on money, but our nation was founded on magic. And no matter how grievous the threats, we must never allow that magic to be broken."

A lump grew in Twilight's throat. Friendship! Luna had understood all along!

"You all know what I would have us do. And you all know the loyal Equestrian army is ready to act at my command. But I cannot rightly order an entire country to war without the consent of the public."

The ponies stared in wonder. Luna looked over the crowd. Suddenly she saw her. Celestia! She'd come! Luna fought back tears.

"Ponies of Equestria!" Luna was filled with hope and confidence. "The time of chaos is over. This gathering before us has proven as much. As for Earth, it is the legislature that has the final decision. I have faith that they, and all of you, will make the right choice."

With that, Luna left. The crowd was too stunned to respond. After a long, silent moment, they began to murmur among themselves.

Rainbow Dash didn't believe a word of it. "The legislature? Discord rules there. How could they possibly make the right choice?"

Twilight considered. "Don't be so sure, Rainbow. Remember, Princess Luna invented democracy. She owns the very word, 'Choice.' It's the whole basis of her campaign."

"But this legislature wants to undo all of that!" Rainbow exclaimed. "Isn't Discord still the head honcho?"

"I'm not sure it's still in his hands," Twilight said, thoughtfully. "Once you unleash chaos you can't put it back or control it."

"How can that be good for us?" Rarity said. "Chaos is just what he wants!"

Twilight's eyes shone with clarity. "That's the brilliance of it! That's what Luna had in mind all along! Democracy isn't made up of just chaos, it's made up of flesh-and-blood ponies WITHIN chaos. And so the wish of everypony will prevail, as long as the ponies themselves allow the spirit of friendship to shine through. And if there's one thing I've learned about friendship, it always does."

"Really?" Rainbow said.

"Always."

And Twilight knew Rainbow understood.

"Well good. I'm still mad about them kicking me out, though," Rainbow said. "I mean are you sure they'll make the right choice? Cause I'm sure I could start my own army... I know I'd make an AWESOME commando..."

"Here we go," Spike rolled his eyes.


Discord was shaken by Luna's speech. But it couldn't be true, he thought. He still controlled the legislature didn't he? It was his original idea. The best idea he ever had. It came from HIM. There was no way the ponies would do something he didn't want... but there was only one way to find out. He was going to go to the legislature and see for himself. But when he got there he was met with a series of unwelcome surprises.

First, Mr. Zhang himself had shown up. And he was not happy. Filthy Rich was with him.

"Discord, I want to remind you of something," He said. "I'm the one in control. It's what I do. I'm a controller. And you should know, my little pony, that control always trumps chaos. It's a law of nature."

Discord was uncomfortable. He didn't like to be put in his place.

"Now you promised me you had control over this legislature. All I have to say is, you'd better be right, or your days are up."

"Oh, you're not worried about Luna are you? And that speech? Come on," Discord laughed. (Zhang didn't flinch.) "Luna was just politicking! She's a politician! You can't trust politicians. Believe me, I've known a lot of them."

"I know a lot of politicians too, pony. You say they can't be trusted? Believe me, next to artists, I trust them the least. I hope, for your sake, you're right."

"Don't worry, Mr. Zhang," Filthy said. "Whatever happens, I have the utmost confidence in the economic policies of Planet Earth, and you have my unwavering economic support."

Discord gulped. And was met with another surprise: a pony had taken the podium. They had elected another speaker!

"I call this session to... er..." Derpy-hooves fumbled. "I call this session to beginning...-ness. What should we discuss first?"

The legislature was silent. Discord did not like silence. Finally, a pony dared to speak.

"I move," the pony gulped, "That we apologize to Princess Celestia. We were unfair to her."

"I can't apologize to an establishment pony!" The pony who swore said angrily. "We were founded on anti-establishment principles, and that is my core belief!"

Discord grinned. This might turn out okay after all, he thought.

"You are out of order!" Derpy-hooves said, "Um... I think?"

"Well said, Derpy," said the first pony. "Will the senator from Fillydelphia please take a seat?" He looked sternly at him, and the pony had no choice but to obey.

"The way we've conducted ourselves," the pony continued, "Is nothing short of reprehensible. While I agree that we need to keep the establishment in check, Celestia would never have wanted the complete, utter, and disgusting chaos we brought forth upon this assembly."

Discord flinched.

"Therefore, I second the original motion, and move the previous question."

"Um... that means we vote, right?" Derpy said.

"Yes, Derpy," the pony sighed.

This wasn't going well at all, Discord thought. Not only was there no chaos, but they had invented new rules! He stole a nervous glance at Mr. Zhang, who was biding his time.

"Okay then!" Derpy proclaimed. "All in favor?"

"Aye," the ponies said quietly, faces red.

"All opposed?"

Only one pony didn't say "Aye," but he was too embarrassed to demur.

"Very well... the motion... er... is... moved. We will apologize to Celestia."

"And furthermore," the pony began again, "Owing to the grievousness of our behavior, I think we should suspend all further business of this assembly until we do so immediately."

"That's unfair!" The foul-mouthed pony shouted. "My constituents have more pressing concerns!"

"You don't have any constituents," the first pony declared.

"No kidding," somepony murmured.

"Um... do we have to vote on that?" Derpy was confused. "Um... Oh! We can suspend rules! I move we suspend rules!"

"And apologize immediately," the first pony added.

"I move we suspend rules and apologize immediately!"

"She can't make motions, can she?" One pony said, under his breath, to the pony next to him.

"Who cares? Let's just get this over with," the other pony whispered.

"All in favor?" Derpy asked.

"Aye," the ponies said.

"All opposed?"

Silence.

"Alright! Let's go!" Said Derpy. "Um... where is she?"

"I'm right here," Celestia said, from the gallery. "And you're doing great, Derpy. I couldn't have done better myself."

Perfect, Discord thought. Celestia had shown up, too.

"But there's no need to apologize," Celestia continued. "I wanted you to have chaos. It was my worst mistake. And anyway, there are more pressing matters. I know I have no formal authority, but I think we should decide the matter of the impending war with Earth."

"We don't want a war with Earth, though," Derpy said.

"We have to vote on it, Derpy," a pony legislator said.

"Oh, right. Let's vote on it. All in favor?"

Silence.

"All opposed?"

A resounding, collective "NAY!"

"You can't do that!" Discord sprung to his feet. "The president wants to go to war! You have to do what she says!"

"Sit down, Discord!" said a pony.

"Order in the... er... house!" Derpy shouted.

"You can't order me around! I made you! You're all here because of ME!"

"Kick him out!"

"Would an officer please escort Mr. Discord to the exit?" Derpy said.

"With pleasure," Rainbow Dash said.

Rainbow was here, too? Discord thought incredulously.

"You get that meanie, Rainbow!" Pinkie said.

And Pinkie?! Discord thought.

Discord was filled with rage. "No!! NO!! You ponies... you AURGHHH!! You got it all wrong!! You got... What's HAPPENING?? What's HAPPENING TO ME???"

Suddenly, Discord's body started flickering electrically. Then it started to bubble and change shape. All the ponies gasped.

"NOOOOOO!!!!" Discord screamed.

The hall was filled with a great boom, and a snap, like lightning. Discord went through a variety of weird shapes, then finally settled on a large cube, with each face a mirror, and his shouting changed to a soft hum. All the ponies gazed in wonder, including Rainbow, though she was a tinge disappointed at not having been able to escort Discord to the exit.

"What... is it?" Rainbow asked.

Mr. Zhang was sweating. Whatever Discord had transformed into, he couldn't recognize it. And if I can't recognize it, he thought, I can't put it on assembly lines, I can't put it in boxes, I can't control it...

Filthy Rich closed his gaping jaw. "Huh," he said, thinking, as the humming cube stood suspended in space. Then an idea occurred to him. He walked up to the cube and put his hooves up to touch it.

"Don't touch it!" Rainbow exclaimed.

"I think if I just..." The ponies gasped as Filthy touched it. He put his hooves completely into it. Nothing happened. Then Filthy pulled out a weird rectangle thingy with little cubes on it.

"Yes," Filthy said, "Yes!"

Filthy turned to the legislature. "I know what this is... I know exactly what this is! Look at the thingy I'm holding, everypony!"

"I'm looking... what is it?" Rainbow asked.

"Oh this is great. I could manufacture these, and distribute them using my distribution chain... EVERYpony is going to want to get their hooves on one of these! I'll have to make a couple other thingy-type thingies of course, and we'll have to hook them all together, and we'll have a great big thingy-thingy of thingy-thingies..."

"Yes, but what... IS it?" Rainbow asked impatiently.

"It's a such-thinger! It's a dream-producer! I don't know what to brand it yet," Filthy said. "But all your dreams, you just type them into this thingy here, like this," Filthy began poking at the cubes on the rectangle, "And all the dreams hook together, and go into the cube there," Filthy pointed at the cube, "And then it pops out... like this!" Filthy pulled out a balloon.

"Ooh, a balloon!" Pinkie said.

"But we already HAVE balloons," Rainbow said.

"You don't understand! It's not just balloons... it's ANYTHING! You see, before, whenever a pony wanted to come up with an idea, they had to travel all over Equestria, and they never knew if they'd ever find another pony who shared their dreams, and find investors... and investors are hard to find. Believe me, I know. But now, every pony, everywhere in Equestria, can get one of these," Filthy pointed to the rectangle he held, "And share their dreams instantly!"

"But the balloon disappeared," Pinkie pointed out.

"I think the balloon was an illusion," Celestia said, skeptical.

"Ah yes," Filthy said. "A, um, minor detail. But believe me. I can recognize a business opportunity when I see one. And Everypony is going to want one of these. In fact," Filthy turned to Mr. Zhang, "I think all the Earth people will want one too. I'd be more than happy to go in with you. What do you say?"

"I would never support such an insane idea," Mr. Zhang said. "It's preposterous."

"Very well," Filthy said, disappointed. "I won't get the profits I wanted, but, a minor setback. Everypony, I hereby declare... I am pulling out all my investments in the planet Earth. I invest only in places with imagination, and there is more than plenty of that right here. From now on, I invest only in Equestria!"

The ponies cheered with joy.

"You can do that," Mr. Zhang snarled, "But it'll be the worst mistake of your career. I still have half the ponies of Equestria in my pocket."

"You may have that," Filthy said, "But Equestria is a free market society, and with my money, I can do as I please."

"This isn't over," Mr. Zhang said, and he left the assembly. But the other ponies were too excited to care. Even Princess Celestia found herself caught up in the excitement.

"So I can have... any thing I want?" Rainbow asked.

"Ooh, even chocolate-covered bunny-balloons filled with cake and ice cream?" Pinkie exclaimed.

"It'll only be an illusion," Celestia reminded her.

"But still... that's... pretty cool!" Rainbow said. "Sign me up, Mr. Filthy!"

Celestia was happier than she had ever been. The legislature, which was sort of her idea, turned out to be a good one; and now even the profit-minded Filthy Rich had decided to pull all his investments out of Earth. Perhaps, she dared to think, Equestria might be okay after all! She only regretted that Princess Luna was not here to share this moment with her. But no matter, she would tell her all about it.

Pinkie typed into the rectangle. "I want... a balloon!" She said. And a balloon popped out, then disappeared.

"I want..." Pinkie said, typing again, "Another balloon!" And another balloon popped out, then disappeared.

"Aw, come on Pinkie, you have to think of something really cool. Move over," Rainbow took her space. "I want, a giant dragon with rainbow scales and lightning shooting out of his ears!"

The ponies gasped as what she wanted materialized in front of her, then disappeared. Ah, we can tell Luna later, Celestia thought. It was her turn to wish up something; and it was going to be really captivating. Now, what will it be?

09 August 2012

A Reptilian Buddha

This goes out to all reptilians out there...

From the Lotus Sutra:

Manjushri said, "There is the daughter of the dragon king Sagara, whose years are barely eight. Her wisdom is sharp-rooted, and well she knows the faculties and deeds of the beings. She has gained dharani. The profound treasure house of secrets preached by the Buddhas she is able to accept and to keep in its entirety. She has profoundly entered into dhyana-concentration, and has arrived at an understanding of the dharmas. In the space of a ksana [moment] she produced bodhi-thought, and has attained the point on nonbacksliding. Her eloquence has no obstructions, and she is compassionately mindful of the beings as if they were her babies. Her merits are perfect. What she recollects in her mind and recites with her mouth is subtle and broad. She is of good will and compassionate, humane and yielding. Her will and thought are harmonious and refined, and she is able to attain to bodhi."

The bodhisattva Wisdom Accumulation said, "I have seen the Thus Come One of the Sakyas [i.e. the Buddha] throughout incalculable kalpas tormenting himself by doing what is hard to do, piling up merit and heaping up excellence, seeking the Path of the bodhisattva and never resting. When I look at the thousand-millionfold world, there is no place, not even the size of a mustardseed, where the bodhisattva did not cast away his body for the beings' sakes, and only then did he achieve the Way of bodhi. I do not believe that this girl in the space of a moment directly and immediately achieved right, enlightened intuition."

Before he had finished speaking, at that very time the daughter of the dragon king suddenly appeared in front [of them], and, doing obeisance with head bowed, stood off to one side and spoke praise with gathas, saying:

Having profoundly mastered the marks of sin and merit,
    Universally illuminating all ten directions,
The subtle and pure Dharma-body
    Has perfected the marks thirty-two,
Using the eighty beautiful features
    As a means of adorning the Dharma-body.
The object of respectful obeisance for gods and men,
    It is reverently honored by all dragons and spirits.
Of all varieties of living beings,
    None fails to bow to it as an object of worship.
I have also heard that, as for the achievement of bodhi,
    Only the Buddha can know it by direct witness.
I, laying open the teaching of the Great Vehicle,
    Convey to release the suffering beings.

At that time, Sariputra spoke to the dragon girl, saying, "You say that in no long time you shall attain the unexcelled Way. This is hard to believe. What is the reason? A woman's body is filthy, it is not a Dharma-receptacle. How can you attain unexcelled bodhi? The Path of the Buddha is remote and cavernous. Throughout incalculable kalpas, by tormenting oneself and accumulating good conduct, also by thoroughly cultivating the perfections, only by these means can one then be successful. Also, a woman's body even then has five obstacles. It cannot become first a Brahma god king, second the god Sakra, third King Mara, fourth a sage-king turning the Wheel, fifth a Buddha-body. How can the body of a woman speedily achieve Buddhahood?"

At that time, the dragon girl had a precious gem, whose value was the [whole] thousand-millionfold world, which she held up and gave to the Buddha. The Buddha straightway accepted it. The dragon girl said to the bodhisattva Wisdom Accumulation and to the venerable Sariputra, "I offered a precious gem, and the World-Honored One accepted it. Was this quick or not?"

He answered, saying, "Very quick!"

The girl said, "With your supernatural power you shall see me achieve Buddhahood even more quickly than that!"

At that time, the assembled multitude all saw the dragon girl in the space of an instant turn into a man, perfect bodhisattva-conduct, straightway go southward to the world-sphere Spotless, sit on a jeweled lotus blossom, and achieve undifferentiating, right, enlightened intuition, with thirty-two marks and eighty beautiful features setting forth the Fine Dharma for all living beings in all ten directions. At that time, in the Saha world-sphere bodhisattvas, voice-hearers, gods, dragons, the eightfold assembly, humans and nonhumans, all from a distance seeing that dragon girl achieve Buddhahood and universally preach Dharma to the men and gods of the assembly of that time, were overjoyed at heart and all did obeisance from afar. Incalculable living beings, hearing the Dharma and understanding it, attained to nonbacksliding. Incalculable living beings were enabled to receive a prophecy of the Path. The Spotless world-sphere trembled in six different ways, and in the Saha world-sphere three thousand living beings opened up the thought of bodhi and were enabled to receive prophecies. The bodhisattva Wisdom Accumulation, as well as Sariputra and all the assembled multitude, silently believed and accepted.

Note as of 7/4/2014: It has come to my attention that this sutra refers not to reptilians, but to nagas. Nagas, furthermore, are not the same as reptilians, although some reptilians are nagas. (Some reptilians are nagas, not all nagas are reptilians.) I am unaware of the origins of the reptilians, my two working theories being that they are descended from dinosaurs, or that they are aliens from another planet. I honestly don't know which is the truth. However, I do know that reptilians are very advanced people with a lot of intelligence and brain-power. Also, I have met what I believe qualifies as a "Reptilian Buddha." That is, a Buddha who became enlightened as a reptilian. So there is such a thing as reptilian Buddhas, as well as naga Buddhas.