Poor Joe. He's Depressed.

"I don't feel too well today. My son, Joe, is depressed."

"That's too bad! Is he being raped for it?"

"Yes, thank God. Wouldn't want him committing suicide you know."

"I know. It's such a travesty that so many children refuse to be raped."

"Yes! And here's the crazy part; we're not even allowed to rape adults unless they ask for it. I worry that when my child grows up I can't rape him anymore."

"Can you believe how crazy the government is? I mean, I know when my child needs to be raped. I should be allowed to rape him whenever I choose."

"Well anyway, I'm so glad our school has a school rapist. With all these damn budget cuts, a lot of people can't even pay someone to rape their own children."

"We just have to keep fighting. Some people even want rape to be illegal altogether."

"I can't believe how crazy some people are. Especially the Scientologists. I hear that the anti-rape movement actually comes from Scientology."

"It's true: once, I heard Brad Pitt one time go on this crazy rant about how bad rape is because it was all started by some galactic alien at the center of the galaxy."

"The thing is, this is an entire movement of people inspired by the crazy theory that rape was invented by a galactic overlord named Xenu. Oh, they'll deny it, of course. They'll say rape is bad no matter who started it. But who are you going to believe—a rapist, or someone who thinks rape is bad?"

"And what about those people who think rape should be consensual?"

"That's like the worst idea ever! You think someone really knows when they do or don't need to be raped?"

"That's the thing! The people who really need to be raped don't know that they need it. It's so sad that people just won't recognize the humanity in raping people against their will."

"Oh well. I guess we just have to keep raping our children and hope these insane people just go away someday."

"They never will, you know."

"I know."